Dancing on Broken Glass
by seriously em
Summary: Addison comes back after 6 years away. With a over controlling husband and 4 year old daughter wise beyond her years Addison has to try and get on at work – keeping her secrets as well as she can. [Addex with Addek friendship]
1. Prologue

**A/N; **Just a new idea from me. Actually the concept of it has been in my mind forever but I just today turned it on paper (well screen) and I am actually very exited to continue with it. I should warn you though, there might be some violence as the story progresses but it won't be too bad.

So I guess I should let you guys read...

**Dancing on broken glass**

**Summary – **Addison comes back after 6 years away. With a over controlling husband and 4 year old daughter wise beyond her years Addison has to try and get on at work – keeping her secrets as well as she can. Addex with Addek friendship

**Disclaimer –** Stilldon't own Greys.One can only dream though…

--

**Prologue**

_By now she didn't even know when it all started. Was it that day Mark broke the pact? Was it further down the line when Alex said he wasn't attracted to her anymore? Was it even the day Derek asked for a divorce…? _

_No who was she kidding, she know exactly when it started. It was Thursday, 10:30 am – She drowned in the most beautiful brown eyes she had ever seen and she shook his hand…then she was lost…_

--

The happy tones of music soared through the kitchen from the small radio on the kitchen table. The on button still had a white fingerprint on it and from the table a small trail of flour led across the floor. A small puddle of milk was formed under the kitchen chair that served as the small girl's latter to the counter. She had a much too long apron wrapped around her and her eyes were very focused on the bowl in front of her and the spoon in her hand which she used to stir.

The song on the radio ended and gave room for the morning talkers to go on about something less important and she looked up. A frown appearing on her young face as she looked over at the kitchen table. There she looked at the stuffed bear and titled her head slightly as if she was listening to something he was saying. Then she broke out a smile and nodded firmly.

"Defnitly more flour" she turned back and grabbed the big package, slowly tipping it over the bowl. Most of the flour missed the bowl and landed in a big pile over the counter but she cared more about the small amount that actually made it to her batter.

The music once again filled the room and she slowly started to do some dance moves on the chair, moving her small hips and did some tiny steps to the beat. She raised her hands in the air as the chorus hit and did a small spin, finding herself looking at the doorway where she was now being watched.

"Lily would you mind explaining this?" Addison looked over the messy kitchen, not sure if she should be laughing or crying about it.

"I made pancakes" the girl stated with a big smile.

"Yeah I see that" Addison laughed. "So do you need some help?" she asked and moved into the room, carefully moving around the flour and milk on the floor.

"It needs more flour I thinks" Lily stated and placed her index finger to her cheek, making a white mark appear on her fair skin.

"Right" Addison looked at the batter and then at her watch. "How about you go up and get cleaned up and dressed for kindergarten and I'll finish these."

"Okay mommy" Lily said and jumped down from the chair. She hurried out of the room, leaving Addison left in the mess that used to be her kitchen.

She leaned against the counter and spotted the teddy bear on the table. "How can such a small girl create such a mess?" she asked as the bear just starred back at her. "Don't think I don't know you helped…" Addison added before she started to smile. "I am talking to a bear…I must really be going insane."

She then went to work, cleaning every part of the kitchen her daughter had been even close to. She flinched slightly as she bent down to pick up eggshells from the floor. Her hand rested on the counter as she inhaled deeply trying to make the pain go away. Slowly she forced herself up again, the pain dying away slightly.

With slow steps she headed back upstairs to the room that had once been a guestroom but now was Lily's room. There the young girl had just managed to get her pajamas off and was standing in front of the mirror getting her hair up in pigtails.

"How do I look?" she spun around and smiled at her mommy.

"Very fashionable" Addison said and grabbed the dress from the dresser. "Arms up" she instructed and Lily applied, letting the soft fabric go over her head and even managed to get her arms in on the first try. "There you go" Addison smiled and pulled the zipper up in the back. "You looked very pretty."

"I know" Lily grinned and took her mommy's hand. "Now I'm hungry."

"Sure" Addison said and led the way downstairs again and into the kitchen but her eyes fell on the lumpy batter and there was just no way on earth she could make it eatable. "We'll eat on the way" she said and threw the bowl of batter in the sink.

"No pancakes?" Lily asked and threw her bottom lip out in a pout.

"Not if we want to get to the hospital on time" Addison tried to sound cheerful. "We can get something from that diner you love so much, how about that?"

"Fine" Lily muttered as she grabbed her teddy bear and moved into the hallway with stomping steps.

Addison rolled her eyes at her daughter's dramatic ways before she grabbed her bag and coat and followed her daughter out to the car.

--

"Why we even here?" Lily asked as she starred out through the window at the hospital.

"I told you I am trying to get a job" Addison said and wrapped the second half of her sandwich back in the paper and threw it in the small bag.

"You don't need job" Lily stated. "Daddy has job."

"Yes but I want a job too sweetie" Addison smiled pulling up a small at from her purse. The label clearly stated the word Advil.

Lily leaned over and squinted her eyes at the jar. "What's that?"

"It's like vitamins for adults" Addison lied before she swallowed two and drowned them down with some water. "Now come on or we will be late" she put on her cheerful face and unbuckled Lily from her seat and they both got out.

She locked the door and then walked around to take Lily's hand and together they walked towards the entrance. They made it all the way up to the doors before Lily stopped dead in her tracks. Her big green eyes starred at the doors with horror.

"Sweetie it's just a door" Addison tried but she knew she was in for a tough time. She could just barely get her into elevators – spinning doors was not even an option.

"I don't do doors that spin" Lily stated and crossed her tiny arms over her chest.

"I have a meeting in fifteen minutes" Addison said and placed herself in front of her daughter. "Now either you go with me and see that those doors will not trap you or you have to stay out here as a dog."

"Dog" Lily said simply.

"Your stubborn streak is really annoying, you know that" Addison said with a sigh. "Just too bad you're still too small" she added with a smile as she just simply picked Lily up and moved towards the doors.

"I don't want to…" Lily covered her face in her mommy's chest with her eyes closed and the bear tight to her chest as they walked through the doors.

"See" Addison said as they were in the lobby. "The doors are not evil, okay?"

Lily however didn't answer. She just kept quiet and looked around. She had been to hospitals before when they lived in New York. Her mommy had even worked at one a few days here and there but this one was much bigger and scarier.

--

"Addison" Derek looked up from the papers on his desk as she walked into his office. "How nice to see you again" he rose and wrapped his arms around her in a hug.

"You too" she gave him a what she hoped to be warm smile. "So you're chief?"

"That I am" Derek said. "Now please sit down" he showed for the chair opposite his own and they both sat down. "So you want a job?"

"That was the idea, yes" she nodded.

"So New York couldn't hold you back for long then" he chuckled slightly and pulled out some papers.

"Ben got transferred here" Addison said, her eyes were on her hands in her lap and she only looked up as he placed the papers before her.

"So it's Ben?" Derek nodded. "I heard you had a baby girl too" he said and her head jerked up. "Callie told me" he said with a shrug. "Was it a secret?"

"Of course not" Addison shot back maybe a bit too quickly. "I just don't want everyone talking."

"Talking?" Derek asked. "That you went to New York six years go. Got married and had a child. I think they will see it as pretty normal."

"Right" Addison eyed the papers. "So all I need to do is to sign them?"

"That's all. I am too smart to let you get away from this hospital again" he added with a wink that made her smile.

"Right" she signed and handed the papers back. "Then I guess you'll see me Monday."

She got up and moved to the door but Derek hurried up after her. "Actually if it's not too much trouble I have a patient I would love to get your opinion on" he said.

Addison glanced at her watch; her heart did a small dip as she realized it was already one. "I was planning on seeing Ben for lunch…"

"This will only take a few minutes" Derek said as they reached the door to his office. "He won't mind."

Addison looked out through the glass door and saw Lily sitting on one of the chairs talking to her teddy bear. One more look at her watch she realized that no matter what she did she would be late. "Okay" she said and smiled at him.

She would just have to suck it up once she got home later because she knew that Derek was very wrong…Ben would care…

--

A/N; there you go; I know it's just the start but if you like it this is your chance. So is it a good idea? Worth continuing?


	2. Heavy clouds

**A/N; **Just let me start with wow! 23 reviews on the first chapter, that is just amazing for me. I am so happy you seem to like it so far and I hope you will all stick around.

Just a quick note. The short lyrics at the end of this chapter is from the song I got the name of the story from. Its called Never let you go and is sung by Dima Bilan. I plan on putting a small bit of it in ever chapter… But obviously I don't own it, so don't sue because that would just dig a deeper whole in my already empty pockets.

--

**2. Heavy clouds**

Addison led the way out of Derek's office and before she could even let him out Lily had jumped off her chair and threw her arms around her legs, stopping her.

"Hey" she said with a smile and loosened the girl's grip on her.

"Are we going home now?" Lily asked. "I don't like it here."

"Just a little stop on the way" Addison promised and picked her up, resting the child on her hip. "We just need to see one patient and then we'll go home and see daddy, okay?"

"Okay" Lily sighed very dramatically and rested her head on her mommy's shoulder, only just then spotting Derek. "Hi" she waved at him.

"Well hi there" Derek said and placed a hand underneath her chin, tickling her until she started to giggle. "And what's your name sweetie?"

"Lily" the girl said with a smile. "What's yours?"

"Derek" he said.

"Could we hurry?" Addison took another look at her watch. "We really need to get going" a small hope of Ben being late was still living in her.

"Sure" Derek led the way out into the corridor and stopped by the elevator.

"Oh…Derek" Addison started but was soon cut off by Lily.

"I don't do elevators" the four year old stated firmly.

Derek turned around and looked at them. "Then how did you come up here?"

"The stairs" Addison said. "And yes I know just how many it is" she added with a small laugh. "She just has some trouble with elevators, doors; just about anything she can get stuck in. So if we could by any chance…"

"Are you sure she won't…?" he started but was interrupted by Lily as she slipped out of her mommy's grip to the floor.

"For a doctor you not very smart" she stated and placed her feet wide apart in front of him.

"Derek…you don't want this" Addison said as she hurried to her daughter's side. "Lily honey, we'll take the stairs, okay?"

Lily looked from her mommy to the man she had just met, deciding if she should go through with her plan or give in. She focused her eyes on Derek – deciding on the first alternative. She opened her mouth and started to scream for all that she was worth.

Addison jumped forward, covering Lily's mouth with her hand and lifting her up again. Lily soon took the drift and quieted down to a soft cry and Addison looked at Derek.

"Can we please take the stairs?"

"Sure" Derek let his hand slide through his hair as he let out a small breath. He was clearly not looking forward to the stairs. But he did lead the way to the doors beside the elevator and opened it up.

Addison let Lily back down on the floor but took her hand and they started to walk down the many stairs.

"You know maybe you should consider doing something about that problem" Derek suggested after two floors and he finally opened the door back into the hospital.

"I am" Addison replied. "Believe it or not that was good. Usually she screams forever and don't give in like that."

"Well that's good" Derek couldn't help but laugh slightly at the thought. He led the way down the corridor and stopped outside. "Okay so here we are."

"Good" Addison led Lily over to a chair by the nurses' station. She smiled the nurse who was sitting there doing some paper work. "Would you mind just keeping an eye on her for a minute or two?"

"Sure no problem" she said and Addison went back to Derek and walked in to her first case back in Seattle…

--

When they a little while later came back out Addison spotted Lily sitting on the desk at the nurses' station with an all too big stethoscope around her neck and in her ears. The end of it was pressed against the chest of a man dressed in a long white doctors robe.

"Lily don't mess with the doctors" Addison said and prepared an excusing smile but the smile froze as she saw who it was. "Karev hi."

"Dr. Montgomery" he smiled and then got up from his seat. "So she's yours?" he asked and looked at Lily.

"Yes, my little trouble maker" Addison said and helped the girl down to the floor. She unwrapped the stethoscope and handed it to Alex.

"But mommy, he said I could keep it" she protested.

"She can" Alex said with a smile and handed it back to Lily. "So how about I take you guys out for a wonderful lunch in the hospital cafeteria?"

"We really need to go" Addison said. "But some other time?"

"Sure" he nodded. "It was nice seeing you again."

"You too" Addison said before she pulled Lily with her towards the stairs.

"Bye Alex" Lily waved at him with a smile before she turned her attention back at her mommy. "So how do you know him? Did you work together?"

"Yes" Addison answered. "Now we need to get home, okay?"

"Can we see him again?" Lily asked.

"Who?" Addison asked as she opened the door to the stairs and led her daughter out from the corridor.

"Alex."

"Maybe" Addison answered before she started the fast run down the stairs.

--

It was already two o'clock when Addison stopped the car outside on the street. She collected her things and hurried out of the car while Lily did the same.

"You get to stay at Sarah's today, would you like that?" Addison asked but hardly waited for an answer before she took her hand and led the way towards the house to the right.

"Do I get to stay the night?" Lily asked happily. "Sarah's mum always bakes cookies with us on sleepovers."

"We'll see" Addison said and knocked on the door before she sent a look on her watch. She was an hour late already.

"Hey guys" Evelyn said with a bright smile as she opened the door.

"Hi, I am so sorry but would you mind taking Lily for the afternoon?" Addison asked and hoped she sounded nice enough. "I just have this big meeting and well you know how it is."

"Sure no problem" Evelyn said and smiled at Lily. "Sarah is upstairs so you can go on up" Lily took that and hurried into the house.

But she stopped in the hallway and turned around waving and sent her mommy a smile before she continued to the stairs.

"Thank you again" Addison smiled. "I'll be back in a little while to pick her up."

"No problem" Evelyn said.

Addison hurried down the steps and took the shortcut through the path between the bushes that separated the two houses. Then she took her own steps two at a time, opening the door with a silent wish that Ben would be late.

"You're home" she felt her whole body tense up as she heard hi voice. She lifted her eyes and spotted him in the doorway from the kitchen. His dark brown eyes hit hers and she knew…

"I…the meeting took longer then I thought. Dr. Sheppard wanted a consult" Addison said as she took off her coat and hung it up, everything to keep herself from meeting his eyes again.

"Dr. Sheppard, huh" Ben laughed. "You mean Derek."

"Yes" Addison looked up again. "He is chief now."

"Well isn't that nice" Ben spun around and walked into the kitchen. "So did you get the job?" he asked.

"Yeah" she followed him into the kitchen and leaned against the wall, watching him cleaning out the bowl she had forgotten that morning. "I start on Monday."

"Good" Ben nodded. "So I see you didn't do the dishes" he added and placed the bowl to dry beside the sink before he turned around to look at her.

"Lily did pancakes…or something like it" she smiled weakly. "I didn't have time to fix it."

"It's not the first time" he stated.

"I know" she didn't bother telling him just how much she had cleaned. That the floor was now clean, that the cabinets were no longer covered in flour. "I just had to get in time to work."

"To see Derek" Ben said, his voice turning slightly colder. "So how was it to see you ex husband?"

"Good" she said, only then realizing how wrong that was as his eyes tinkered with black. "He's married now, you know that."

"So are you" he moved the short steps up to her until she was pressed up against the wall and he stood only an inch away. "You're not forgetting that, right?"

"No" she shook her head, trying desperately to keep the tears from breaking out. "You were the on who said I should get a job again."

"Yes but I didn't say you could go dressed like that…" he let his eyes go down over her body, eying the skirt and white dress shirt. "And I didn't tell you to not only take my daughter with you but to see…him" he practically spit the last word out before his hand landed on her cheek. "Now did I?" he asked.

"No" she shook her head, now not managing to keep her tears to herself.

"No what?" he asked, this time his fist hit her stomach as she took too long answering.

"No you didn't. It was my fault" she whispered quietly.

"You know I just want you to learn" he let his fingers carefully grace her trembling face. "We don't want New York all over again, now do we?"

"No" Addison said.

"You know I love you" he placed a quick kiss on her lips before he stepped away. "Now I have to get back to work. I'll be back late" he added and left the room.

She stayed in her position until she heard the front door close, only then did she exhale the breath she didn't even know she had held in…

_Heavy clouds, no rain, and every move causes pain_


	3. Baby, now it’s happened to us

**A/N; **Are you guys for real? I have never gotten this much reviews for just two chapters before in my life. So THANK YOU. I know this update is a bit slow but first off I mean to do it yesterday but we ended up at my aunt's house and time just ran away. Anyway its here now so go ahead and read…I hope you will like it…

**3. Baby, now it's happened to us**

Somewhere along the line of showering, cleaning and ordering pizza she had lost her normal thoughts and gone into a mechanic mood. Every moment went by like planned, no thoughts were involved and no feelings. It wasn't until the doorbell rang and she sent a quick look on the watch that she realized just how late it was.

She walked to the door and grabbed her purse on the way. She flicked through it and pulled out the money and dropped her purse on the table and then swung the door open. It took her head a moment to realize that the man on her doorstep was not from the pizza company and the door froze in her hand half open.

"What are you doing here?" she asked confused.

"Well do you remember all that time ago when we bumped into each other and I asked to buy you lunch" Alex said and held out the pizza carton in his hand. "Well I thought maybe Pizza would work."

"I actually ordered on already" she answered, not really sure what else to say. Her body was still blocking the entrance to the house as if she wanted him to stay out.

"I know" Alex looked rather sheepish. "I kind of took it from the delivery guy about a minute ago."

"So you are giving me stolen pizza?" Addison couldn't help but laugh at the thought.

"I didn't steal it" he said and gave her a look as if what he meant was completely obvious and she was not catching on. "I paid for it. So are you letting me in or do I have to sit out here in what looks like…" he looked up at the sky for dramatic effect. "…rain and eat my stolen pizza?"

"I thought you said it wasn't stolen" she said. "But I'll let you in" she stepped back and looked again at her watch on her arm. "I'll just run to the house next door and pick up Lily" she added and before he could say anything she hurried past him and headed through the bushes again.

She reached the small roof under the door to the house just as the first drops of rain started to fall. She only had to knock once before the door opened up to show a boy around the age of 2. He directed his big blue eyes up at her and a big grin spread over his face.

"Awwison" he said and jumped up and down in a very happy, bunny like movement that made her laugh.

"Hey there Simon" Addison said and let her hand ruffle through his blond locks. "Do you know where Lily is?"

Simon nodded and walked away from the door but when she thought he went to get her she was wrong as his voice soon echoed through the house. "LILY!"

Seconds later Evelyn came into view and smiled at Addison. "Hi again."

"Hey, is Lily ready…" Addison said but before she could finish her sentence the girl came running out into the hall. After her came a blond girl who stayed next to her friend.

"Hi mommy" she said with a big smile. "Can I stay longer?" she tilted her head and made that face she knew her mommy had a hard time saying no to.

"Well we have a guest" Addison said and as expected Lily's sweet face turned into something more interested.

"Who is it?"

"Remember Alex?" Addison asked and Lily broke out smiling, mimicking Simon's happy dance. "And…" Addison bent down to her daughter's level. "…he brought pizza…" Lily's eyes went big and she grabbed her stuff and hurried out of the door, running towards their house.

"So Alex?" Evelyn asked. "Anyone we know?"

"We used to work together when I lived here and now we I am starting there again so we're catching up" Addison answered. "And I should probably follow that girl before she scares him away" she added with a laugh before she gave her friend a wave. "Thanks again."

"Any time" Evelyn said and watched the redhead hurry back towards her own house, protecting her face from the rain. Little did she know it was to keep the makeup from revealing the mark on her cheek that was slowly growing…

--

When Addison got back into her house she could hear Lily laughing from the kitchen and she followed that sound. There she found Alex searching the cabinets and Lily sitting by the table watching him fail.

"Need some help?" Addison asked and he turned around, surprised by the sound of her voice.

He steppes back and gave her a weak smile while his hand found its way to the back of his neck, a nervous habit he had taken up from his long nights at the hospital. "I was looking for some glasses" he admitted.

"Second to the left" Addison pointed him the right way before she headed for the fridge and took out tree soda cans.

"So do we sit in the living room?" Alex asked only to receive a shocked gasp from Lily. "What?" he looked at Lily and then over at Addison.

"We're not allowed to eat there" Lily answered.

"Oh, how come?" Alex asked.

"Because daddy says so…" Lily started but Addison hurried up and interrupted her.

"We can eat in there just today, okay?" she said and gave Lily a smile.

"But…"

"Lily come on" Addison took the sodas and the pizza and walked into the adjoining room.

She placed the food on the table and then sodas next to it before she sat down on the side of the couch.

"Maybe a movie?" Alex suggested as he sat down the glasses on the table.

"Movie!" Lily cheered and hurried over to the bookshelf by the wall, a cheer that was soon followed by Addison groaning.

"You have no idea what you just did, do you?" she looked at Alex as he sat down on the couch.

"Why?"

"Because the movie she will choose, and yes there is only one movie, is fun the first four times before it turns slightly predictable…" Addison sighed and watched as Lily fumbled to get the DVD disc in place. "…and after time 57 you just want to bang your head into the wall and hope the music goes away…" she leaned towards Alex and continued in a more quiet tone. "…but the music – it never goes away…"

"How bad could it be?" Alex asked as the music started up and the cartoon started up.

Lily hurried up from the floor and got up on the couch in between the other two. She happily took the plate with a pizza slice on from her mommy and ate slowly with her eyes on the screen, following every move of her favorite heroine.

Addison leaned further down on the couch and ate a small piece of pizza while Alex on the other side took piece after piece and followed Lily's example by following the movie intensely.

One the pizza was eaten, the soda cans empty and Lily half asleep in her lap Addison took a look on the watch. "We should clean this up" she carefully moved Lily onto the couch so she could get up and started to collect the cans.

"But the movie isn't over yet" Alex said.

"You haven't seen Beauty and the beats before?" Addison couldn't help but giggle at the childish look on his face. "Ben will be home soon and I bet he would be happy if things were not a mess" she added.

"But…"

"He does make it" Addison cried and turned the TV off. "And everyone is turned back and they live happily ever after."

"Now that is just too mean" Alex sent her an evil glare before he tucked the empty pizza carton into a small square and headed out to the kitchen to throw it out. "I never pictured you as one to tell endings of movies" he said as he joined her in the kitchen and threw the carton in the box with the other cartons.

"Yeah well I thought maybe we could talk" she said and turned to face him. "You know catch up, tell me what's going on in your life."

"Well I am a doctor now, though you probably know that" he laughed. "Not married, no kids, no real life – just like a doctor is supposed to be."

"So what about the others then, any scandals to entertain me?" she leaned back against the sink and watched him as he sat down at the kitchen table. "I mean I know Derek is chief and that he married Meredith…but what else?"

"Well Izzie is engaged as of last month. She and Sloan had been going out a long time…" Alex said.

"Seriously!" Addison said shocked. "I would never have seen them together."

"Yeah well one drunken night and all hell broke loose" Alex shook his head at what seemed to be a rather painful memory. "Then we have Callie and George, married with twins. Her good looks and what we hope is her smarts" he added making her laugh.

"Ah well…" Alex looked at the clock on the wall and pulled himself up. "Its getting late I guess I should get home. I have the early shift in the morning."

"Okay" Addison said and followed him as he made his way out into the hallway. "I guess I'll see you on Monday then."

"Yeah" he nodded. "Tell Lily I enjoyed her company, a lot."

"Oh, yeah you have definitely made her year" Addison laughed as he opened the door. "Bye."

"Bye Addison" he said and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Addison went back into the kitchen and took care of the few last things before she walked back into the living room.

"Mommy" Lily looked up with heavy eyes. She was now sitting in the couch and looked around confused. "Where did Alex go?"

"He had to go home" Addison said. She sat down in front of her daughter on the floor, keeping her eyes at level with Lily's. "Now I need you to help me, okay. A favor."

"What mommy?"

"We shouldn't tell daddy that Alex was here, okay?" Addison said. "He wouldn't understand and…"

Lily's head shot around as she heard the front door open. Heavy steps followed and the young girl hurried to the floor and hurried out into the hallway. "Daddy!"

--

_Baby, now it's happened with us, we are dancing on broken glass_


	4. Playing a game

**A/N; **I am so sorry for leaving you guys hanging. I have suffered from the first major writers block I have had in years and then add schoolwork (writing) to that and lets just say it was not an easy week. But I am here now and my homework is not only done but its down to a small amount every weeks so I can write more here. I do hope you have not abandoned me and that you will still read and review…

**4. Playing a game **

She held her breath, she tried to listen in on the conversation in the hall but all she could hear was her own heart beating in her chest. She wanted to move but it took all her strength to take one simple step.

"Addie" Ben soon appeared in the doorway with Lily on his arm. "How are you?" he leaned down and placed a brief kiss on her cheek.

"Good" she said and looked from him to Lily, trying to read them. "How was work?" she asked, knowing he would tell her no matter if she asked or not. Asking just made it more simple.

"Like usual" he sighed and placed Lily back on the floor. "I might work late tomorrow too as my boss decided that I and this new guy, David would make a good team on this new commercial."

"Oh" Addison said. "Well I'll just make sure Evelyn picks Lily up tomorrow then" she said simply.

"Yeah that would work" he nodded before he let his hand go through his dark locks that had grown too long lately. "I think I will just head to bed" he said and moved out of the room only to stop in the doorway to turn around. "Are you coming?" it was not a question but more of a statement.

"I'll just get Lily to bed" she answered and showed for Lily to follow her.

"Do I haaave to?" the four year old asked. "I am not sleepy" she added but Addison could just smile at the heavy eyelids.

"You already got to stay up much later then usual" Addison said and simply lifted the girl up and proceeded out of the room and up the stairs.

Lily who was now rapidly feeling the sleep come over her let her head rest on her mommy's shoulder and the thumb slipped into her mouth even though she knew it was a bad habit. "I had fun tonight" she said quietly as Addison placed her down on the bed and started to help her change into her pajamas.

"So did I" Addison said and tucked the covers around the young girl. She watched how Lily turned to her side and wrapped one arm around her big teddy and with the thumb still in her mouth.

With a small smile on her face Addison backed out of the room and turned off the lights before she closed the door.

She was very happy to find Ben sound a sleep when she got into their bedroom and quietly she slipped under the covers and closed her eyes seeing the events from the night go by her again in he dreams…

--

She felt as if she had hardly gotten any sleep all night and as she made her way down the corridor of Seattle Grace Hospital with a fresh cup of coffee in her hand she felt as if she was about to crash. She was happy she had been a doctor enough years to fake her way through any day.

"Dr. Montgomery" she turned around and smiled widely at the familiar face of Miranda Bailey.

"Hey" she said. "It's so great to see you again."

"Yes you too" Miranda said. "Now I have a surprise for you" she turned and showed for a young brunette who stood a few meters away with a very big smile and what looked like a big deal of happiness.

"New intern?" Addison questioned and eyed the woman. "She looks good."

"Yes she is hardworking and very…very enthusiastic" Miranda said with a slight laugh.

"You're sticking me with a new Izzie?" Addison let out a slight groan.

"What can I say…" Miranda shrugged.

"Whatever happened to the silent working type that did the job but without the happiness?" Addison asked but spotted the look in Miranda's eyes. "You are keeping the good ones, aren't you?"

"I should get going" Miranda said with a laugh. "I have a surgery, now take good care of Austin for me, okay?" she gave Addison that famous stare that in no way meant a question.

"Don't I always."

"Don't get me started on you and MY interns" Miranda called as she left leaving Addison to roll her eyes.

After grabbing the first chart she showed for the intern to come and headed down the corridor.

"Hi, I'm Lauren Austin" the brunette said, her words quick.

"Okay then Austin prepare for your first case" Addison opened her chart and stopped by the door. She pushed it open and led the way into the room. "Hi, I'm Dr. Montgomery, I will be your doctor today" she said to the woman in the bed and the man who was sitting at her side. She then turned to Lauren. "What do we know about the patient?"

"Sarah Donovan, carrying twins. Is scheduled for a cesarean later today…" Lauren recited straight out of her head.

"Right so how are you feeling?" Addison asked the patient.

"Like I need these babies out now or I might explode" Sarah laughed.

"Oh do I know that feeling…" Addison mumbled quietly. "So we should get to work then" she added.

--

"Never again" Callie grumbled as she slammed her tray against the table in the cafeteria.

"Bad day?" Addison looked up from the pile of papers before her.

"I just spent two hours with a man who only came in because he hit his damn toe in his bathroom door" Callie cried. "How do you do that for two hours you ask? Well he claimed to have broken several bones, do you know how many times I had to take him for a scan and then explain to Sheppard just why I spent money on him…this is just not my day" he sunk down in the chair and spiked a piece of salad with her fork so hard it almost went through the plate.

"That does sound bad" Addison nodded. "Not as bad as the intern from hell though."

"Which one did you get?" Callie looked up from her food but the mere look on her friend's face made her laugh. "Austin, huh?"

"Does everyone know about her but me?" Addison asked. "I mean did you have a meeting where you said, 'hey Addison is coming back why not give her the over-perky intern'."

"Nope, no meeting" Callie answered. "We did get a cake though…"

"I never got any cake" Addison said.

"Yeah well it was very good cake…it kind of dissolved" Callie looked away down in her food. "Those interns are very hungry, you know."

"Right" Addison laughed. She looked down at her watch and sighed. "Back to perky intern" she mumbled and rose from her seat. "Oh and Callie…"

"Yeah."

"You owe me a cake" Addison said making her friend laugh.

"Sure" Callie said as she watched Addison hurry back to the hospital.

--

Addison barely made it into the elevator before the doors lid up again and Alex hurried inside.

"Hey" he smiled and moved to press the button for level 4 but realized she had already pushed it. "So I hade a great time last night" he said and leaned against the back of the elevator next to her.

"Yeah me too" she nodded but kept her eyes on the chart in her hands.

"We should do it again some time, maybe with Ben" Alex suggested.

Addison almost dropped the chart as he hands were shaking. "Uhm…sure" she mumbled just as the elevator stopped and the doors opened. She hurried out preparing for a good escape. A thought that was soon destroyed by a nurse.

"Dr. Montgomery."

She stopped and turned around. "Yes."

"Dr. Sheppard asked to see you" the nurse said. "He is in room 216" she pointed down the hall and with a sigh Addison walked in that direction instead, dropping her chart into Alex's arms on the way.

"Keep an eye on her until I get back" she called to him.

Still silently muttering she reached the examination room but as she swung the door open she froze.

"Addison" Evelyn said seriously.

"Addison" Derek turned around, the stethoscope still in his hand. "I'm glad you came so fast."

"What happened?" Addison wasn't looking at Derek but at Evelyn who stood by the other side of the bed.

"She was playing with Sarah by the swings" Evelyn said, tears now starting to form in her eyes. "And the next thing I know she is on the ground…"

Addison looked over at Lily who was now starting to move around a bit. Her eyes opened and fixated on her mommy. Three small words came out of her mouth before she winced in pain.

"_It hurts mommy_."

--

_Gentle words, no aim. It seems we're playing a game_


	5. Torn in half

**A/N; **So my writers block seems to have lifted, thank God. It was just so frustrating to not be able to write, lol. Anyway as you see I got you a fast update (fast in the way that I wrote this Monday morning when my internet had decided to not work…isn't that just typical…but hopefully this will be up not too long after)

So chapter 5 is up, hope you like it 

**5. Torn in ****half**

"See! what did I say?" Derek flashed her one of his famous smiles. "Just a broken arm, she should be good as new in no time."

"She's my daughter" Addison said simply. "If she sneezes I worry."

"Well I can rest you by saying that I did not spot any kind of cold in her" he tried to joke but only received a cold look. "What? I thought I was being funny…" he turned his attention back to Lily who was now sitting up while Callie was carefully putting a cast on her arm. "Is your mommy always this boring?" he asked quietly but made sure he knew Addie would hear him.

"Lily think very hard before you answer that one" she said and put on her strong face but the girl just giggled and moved closer to Derek, showing him a tiny nod.

"That's what I thought" he laughed.

"Okay there missy, what color do you want on your cast?" Callie asked and got Lily's attention again. "We have the fashionable purple, the calming blue…maybe pretty red…" she couldn't help but smile as Lily tilted her head in thought. "…I think you want the stunning pink, right?" Lily nodded large with a big smile.

"Can I have the pink mommy? Please."

"Of course" Addison smiled.

"Its always the pink" Callie laughed and continued her work just as there was small knock on the door and a nurse peeked her head in. "I am sorry to bother you but her father is here."

"Daddy's here?" Lily's smile died away. She looked from Addison to Evelyn and last at Derek. "Will he be mad?"

"Of course not silly" Derek smiled. "I bet he is very happy you are okay. So why don't you let me and mommy talk to him and once you are done you can show him your pretty cast, okay?"Lily nodded but gave her mommy a look before the two adults left the examination room.

Addison was the first to spot him by the nurses station and moved her steps towards him with Derek soon behind. She could feel Ben's eyes on her and she knew this would take a lot of self-control both for him and for her.

"Hey" she leaned up and gave him a quick kiss. She could feel how tense he was but pretended not to see the look he gave Derek.

"How is Lily?" he asked simply.

"She's fine. She fell off a swing and broke her arm" even if Ben was looking at Addison it was Derek who answered. "She will be as good as new in a few weeks."

"Derek would you please just give us a second" Addison asked.

"Sure no problem, I'll check on my other patients but if you need anything just page me" she nodded and he moved away.

"Since when does your ex husband look after MY daughter?" Ben asked.

"Since he is the best there is, he wanted to make sure she didn't hit her head" Addison shot back. "Can't you just be happy Lily is okay?"

"This has nothing to do with her you know that" he hissed quietly. "This has to do with that neighbor not being able to look after a child and about your ex husband acting like he knows everything."

"You can't possibly blame this on Evelyn" Addison gasped. "She has done nothing wrong."

"Watch me" Ben took a step towards the room prepared to give the woman a piece of his mind but Addison was faster and hurried up in front of him, blocking his way.

"Please…" it was definitely a plea but she didn't know what else to do. Evelyn didn't deserve this.

"Get out of my way" his voice was stern and she had seen that look in his eyes too many times but she stood her ground.

"_It's a public place…it will be fine"_ she kept reciting that over in her head. She knew the rules to the game just as well as she did. She would be fine.

"You want to move" he said and his eyes wandered over the hall. The hall that had been filled with people but was not scary quiet.

"Ben" she begged but it did little to help her…

--

An hour later Addison was in the attending locker room. She was desperately trying to get her foundation on straight all while she tried to get the arms on her lab coat to grow longer to cover the small bruises on her wrist.

"Daddy was angry" Lily said quietly. She was sitting on the counter right beside her mommy.

"He was just…" Addison tried to find a better word but it didn't seem to be one. "…yes he was angry" she sighed and put the makeup back in the bag. She did a look in the mirror, noticing how the flawless skin was back – the magic of make up.

"Why did he make Evelyn cry?" Lily asked, thinking back to the scene in the examination room earlier.

"He thought she was to blame" Addison said and smiled at the girl. "But don't worry, we'll fix that. You can still play with Sarah, okay?"

"Okay" Lily said. "Are we going home now?" she looked up at her mommy hopefully.

"No sweetie, I have to work" Addison pulled Lily up and set her down on the floor. "But…" she went over to one of the open lockers and pulled out a small white coat. "…you get to be my helper, how about that?"

"I get to be a doctor?" Lily asked happily and let her mommy help her on with the coat, placing it over the cast. "Cool."

"Yes you get to help me" Addison said and took Lily's hand and they walked out of the locker room.

They only made it out into the corridor before they were almost attacked by Austin. "Dr. Montgomery hi again. So what's our new case?"

"Austin hi" Addison forced on a smile. "This is my daughter, Lily, she will join us the rest of the day" she added.

"Well hi Lily" Austin said and gave the girl a big smile. Lily however took a step closer to Addison and her grip of her hand tightened. "She is such a cutie…"

"Yes, isn't she?" Addison smiled just as her beeper went off. She looked at it and frowned. Quickly she looked around, her eyes landing on the one person she was hoping to find.

"STEVENS" she hurried up to Izzie who by the sound of her name turned around.

"Addison, hi" She gave the redhead a big smile and even a quick hug.

"I need a huge favor" Addison confessed and Izzie looked over to where Austin and Lily were standing.

"I do kids but not Austin" Izzie said seriously. "Do not dump her on me, I swear I can still hear her laughing since last time."

"Well it was actually the little one I meant. She had an accident and I promised she could be with me today but I got paged and…well you know how it is."

"I do know" Izzie laughed just as Lily came running up to them and tugged at her mommy's coat.

"She scares me" she whispered and looked back at Austin.

"Well does this nice lady scare you?" Addison bent down to Lily's level and looked over at Izzie and Lily shook her head. "Good, now mommy has to do a surgery so do you think you can help Izzie out?"

"Do I get to use a stethoscope?" Lily asked.

"Yes" Izzie pulled off her own and gave it to the girl. "See it even matches your cast."

"Thanks" Addison rose again and gave Izzie a smile. "I'll be back as soon as I can but if I am not back in an hour Ben will pick her up."

"No problem, we'll have a blast, won't we?" Izzie held out her hand and Lily happily took it but her eyes followed her mommy down the corridor for as long as she could. She just had a bad feeling she couldn't shake…

--

"Hey how about a snack?" Izzie suggested little over thirty minutes later.

"Sure" Lily nodded and followed Izzie to the cafeteria.

"You see those people, they are my friends" Izzie nodded towards one of the tables where all of her friends from her internship were seated.

Lily followed Izzie over to the table, at first the awkward and curious stares made her uncomfortable but the second she spotted Alex she shone up.

"Alex" she said happily and ran up to him.

"Hey if it isn't my favorite girl" Alex caught her and brought her up in his lap. His eyes landed on her cast and his smile died away. "What's this?..." he eyed her closely. "Did you get into a fight?"

A giggle came out of her. "No silly. A swing kicked me off."

"Oh the swing accidents" Meredith who was sitting next to Alex smiled at her.

"So Alex who is your friend?" George asked.

"This is Lily, she is Addison's daughter" Alex answered.

"Oh yeah Derek told me about her" Meredith nodded.

"Will you come over again to watch a movie?" Lily looked up at Alex, making all the other people at the table turn to look at him as well.

"Well…" Alex started but before he could continue Ben walked up to them.

"Daddy" Lily said, her voice filled with fear this time.

"We need to go" he pulled Lily away from Alex but she tried to hold herself back.

Ben was stronger and placed her on the ground, holding her back. "We need to go now" he took Lily's hand and pulled her with him away from the table. "Should have guessed your mother would dump you on someone" he muttered quietly but not quietly enough.

"She was in surgery…" Alex called after him but Ben kept his head up and his eyes in front of him, not even moving a muscle as to show he had heard him…

--

_Ready kiss, but no love. __I feel I'm torn in half_


	6. Burning look

**A/N; **I know, I know Ben is a jerk. Trust me I know, lol. I do hope this chapter will be better though. The idea actually came to me as I started it and I liked it, this is one of my favorite chapters so far I think…so I hope you all like it too.

**6. Burning look **

"I'm not going" Lily stomped her foot down onto the hard floor. She stopped and just looked from her daddy to the large glass doors that led out of the hospital.

"We're going" Ben stated and reached to take her hand but she stepped back. "Lillian you are coming with me right this minute" his voice grew stronger but the girl just shook her head, making a few red curls fall out of her ponytail.

"I want mommy."

"I need to get back to work so we're going. You will see Mommy later tonight" he lowered his voice and tried to reach out and hoped she would take his hand.

"You're mean!" the four year old didn't care if anyone heard her and in no way did she want to follow him. So she did what she was best of, she turned and ran. She ran as fast as her short legs would carry her, the shoes echoing through the large room.

"Lily!"

When he noticed that Lily was in fact not turning back he sighed and started to slowly jog down after her. He kept his eyes open but as he turned the corner she was nowhere to be seen. He could feel his heart racing as it hit him fully – he had lost his daughter. He spun around and his eyes landed on the door out to the outdoor cafeteria.

He walked out and without hesitation approached the table to the far right. "Where is she?" he asked and stopped in front of Alex.

"Who?" Alex was caught off guard and quickly swallowed the food in his mouth and looked up at the man.

"Lily, where is my daughter?" it was clear that Ben was not very patient and he had started tapping his hands against the sides of his legs to keep them busy.

"Well how the hell should I know you were the one dragging her off just now" Alex shot back. "And while we are at it you really should learn to be nicer to her I mean after all she just wanted to have fun with us."

"Well she is having a blast now I guess as she ran off" Ben said angrily.

"What?" this time it was Meredith who was sitting next to where Ben was standing. "She's loose in the hospital…alone?"

"She wouldn't go with me, I don't know what got into her" Ben was now sounding less angry and more concerned. He slid his hand through his hair and took a deep breath. "I really need to find her."

"Sure" Alex drank up the last of his water. "She can't have gotten too far, right?" he looked at his friends who all as on cue started to get ready.

"Right" Izzie hurried up and soon they were all hurrying back to the hospital.

--

"So why are we looking for Montgomery's kid when we could scrub in on surgeries?" Christina's voice was tired and filled with boredom twenty minutes later when she and Izzie walked out from the clinic after making sure Lily was not there.

"Because that little girl is all alone out here and probably very scared" Izzie said but only got a raised eyebrow in response from her friend. "Fine so she is our boss and she could help us if she is happy with us" Izzie tried but not even now Christina seemed convinced.

"No that's not it, there is something else here" she stated as she opened up the door to a storage room and looked in, only finding it empty.

"She gave her to me, okay?" Izzie said as they continued down the corridor. "Addison asked me to look after her daughter and I failed her. It took me less then 2 hours to loose the most important thing in the world."

"You can't possibly blame yourself for that" Christina said. She stopped and stepped up in front of her friend. "You did not loose the girl. You know that."

"Let's just find her, okay" Izzie walked around Christina and pushed her way through the double doors leading to the pediatric floor.

--

Back in the clinic Dr. Miranda Bailey stacked the chart form her hand into the filing system before she walked over to the bed in the corner. She turned around to make sure the room was still empty before she ripped the curtain apart and looked down at the young girl still sitting on the floor. Her head shot up by the sound of the curtain but she relaxed as she saw who it was.

"So are you planning on telling me why I just sent two of my interns on a while goose chase to find you?" Miranda moved over and sat down on the bed, patting the seat next to her.

Lily didn't answer but she did get up from the floor and sat down next to the woman. She hung her head and twisted her small hands in her lap, not really sure what to say. But after what felt like minutes but was most likely just seconds she lifted her head and directed her piercing blue eyes at Miranda.

"I don't want to go with him."

That one sentence said hardly loud enough for her to hear made Miranda's heart sink. Something about the girl just made her want to hold her and never let go – just to take away whatever pain she was in.

"You mean your daddy?" Miranda asked, trying to keep her personal thoughts aside and work as a doctor.

"He's mean" Lily said.

"Has he done anything…to you or…" Miranda knew she had to ask but the girl shook her head and she signed in relief. "Then why is he mean?"

By now Lily was starting to feel uncomfortable and jumped down from the bed. "I want my mommy now."

"She is in surgery" Miranda answered and she too jumped down from the bed. "I promise you can see her as soon as she is done."

"I need her now" Lily showcased her short temper once more only this time she had no idea who she was up against.

"Now did you just demand me to do something?" Miranda placed her hands on her hips and gave the girl one of her famous stares.

However Miranda too had misread the situation as Lily tilted her head and returned the stare. "I want my mommy."

"And I can't get her right now" Miranda answered. She lowered her stare and turned to reach for the curtain again. "But if you wait we can get some ice cream and then I am sure she will be done…" she turned back but the floor behind her was empty. "…I am beginning to see why they are looking for her" she sighed and hurried out of the clinic to see if she could catch her…

--

"Why is this so important to you?" Meredith asked as she tried to keep up with Alex pace down the corridor. She stopped as he hurried into another room and she blocked the way out the door. "What is your interest in this girl anyway?"

"I like her, she's cool, okay" Alex tried to get past her but she skillfully moved with him and made sure he stayed in the room. "Me and Addison are friends. Lily is her daughter so Lily is my friend too" Alex said. "Now get out of my way. Trust me you may be tough but I can still take you out…" he starred her down until Meredith stepped a side and he could get out.

"She does have a father you know" Meredith called after him. "You shouldn't get involved…"

Alex however continued down the hall until he stopped by the elevators, impatiently looking at the numbers showing how far away it was.

"Still hunting for Lily?" Derek moved up next to him.

"Yes."

"So what's your plan?" Derek asked as he too waited for the elevator to come.

"Maybe she took the elevator to the next floor?" Alex shrugged.

"Wrong girl" Derek chuckled. "I tried getting her and Addie in an elevator once and she screamed bloody murder."

"Why?" Alex asked.

"She doesn't like elevators" Derek shrugged but he hardly finished his sentence before Alex ripped open the doors to the stairs and hurried away. "Just once it would be nice to hear a thank you of some sort" Derek mumbled just as the doors to the elevator opened and he got inside.

In the meantime Alex hurried down the stairs not really sure where he was heading but he came to a quick halt by the soft sound of crying.

"Lily" he said calmly as he continued down the stairs. The sounds died out and he stopped on the landing, spotting the small girl in the corner. "Sweetie what's wrong?" he moved over and sat down on the floor next to her.

"I want my mommy" she answered, trying to keep her body to stop shaking from her cries.

"She's in surgery right now" Alex said. "Isn't there something I can help you with?"

"I can't tell you" Lily answered and looked down at the floor and moved her hand over her cheeks to brush the tears away.

"Why not?" Alex sounded hurt. "I thought we were friends."

"Mommy said it was a secret…" the four year old directed her blue eyes up at him, her whole face showing sadness. "…she said I couldn't tell…"

--

_Burning look, but no heat. It's not what you really need_


	7. Close embrace

**A/N; **Chapter 7 is here. I am not too sure about this chapter but it builds up for the next one so I guess it's kind of a filler. I hope you like it anyway though.

**7. Close embrace**

"A secret?" Alex frowned. "Can't you tell me? I thought I was your friend."

"Mommy said no…" Lily answered, tears still falling down her face. "But she's not here and…"

"And you can't talk about it with your daddy?" Alex asked, receiving a hard shake on the head as an answer. The look Lily gave him next sent a small spark of electricity down his spine, he knew that look. "Lily" he said her name and she focused her eyes on his. "What did your daddy do?"

Lily jumped slightly by his words but the look in his eyes made her relax, he made her feel like she could talk to him. He made him feel something she didn't even know what it was called, a feeling she only knew of – safety. "He hurt her."

Alex heart sunk rapidly by those three tiny words. His own voice felt raspy and strange as he spoke. "Often?" again a nod. "Did he hurt you?" a shake and he couldn't help but smile slightly. "That's good" he reached out and pulled the girl up in his lap.

Lily nestled closer to him and laced her tiny arms around his neck. "Will you save mommy?"

Alex closed his eyes as he heard her speak. He didn't know what to say, he didn't want to make a promise he couldn't keep but he didn't want to let her down either. Hadn't he once promised himself to never let any man hit a woman he cared about ever again?

"Yes…" he paused and wrapped his arms around her to hold her closer. "…I will save you both…"

--

When Addison came back out from OR 4 she was exhausted. Every muscle in her body was aching from the long surgery and as she spun her neck from side to side she head it crack a bit. She needed a coffee and a warm bed – heck any bed would do it. But she soon realized something was off. Maybe it was the fact that everyone she passed when she pulled off her gloves and everything else was looking at her a bit oddly. Maybe it was simply that feeling in her stomach that gave it away…but the last hint was the crowd that hit her once she reached the corridor.

"What's wrong?" she looked from Christina to Izzie and over to Meredith, all who kept their eyes on the floor, avoiding the redhead's looks. "Stevens" she focused on Izzie knowing she could break her. "Where is Lily?"

"Well…" Izzie started but to her relief she was cut off by a loud call from the end of the corridor.

"Mommy!" Lily came running as fast as she could and Addison just had time to bend down in time to catch her as the girl lounged herself into her.

"Hey kiddo" Addison pulled Lily up with her and placed her on her hip. "What fun have you been up to?" she asked and tried to keep the tiredness out of her tone but as Lily let her head fall onto her shoulder without a sound she realized something was up. "What's wrong…?" she looked up to realized everyone had left apart from Alex who was now leaning against the wall beside her.

"They ran" he said.

"Did I scare them?" Addison asked. "Because I am usually not scary this time of day, I mean I didn't even bring my Satan shoes" she tried to joke but he didn't move a muscle. "Okay you're scaring me know. What is up?"

"We need to talk" Alex moved away from the wall. "About Ben and…"

"No" Addison shook her head. "I need to leave" she moved past him, still with Lily in a fast grip.

"Addison" he hurried after and walked backwards in front of her. "We need to have this talk no matter if you want to or not…you know that."

"I don't have to do anything" Addison shot back. "And no matter what you think you know…you know nothing" she added and hurried by him and headed for the stairs.

"Ads come on" Alex ran after her down the many steps taking them two at a time and catching up with her only a few meters after the last step. He grabbed her arm and pulled her to a stop.

"Alex let go of me" her voice was strong and there was no doubt in his mind she would beat him down if she got the chance.

"We need to talk" he said and pulled her with him towards the door behind him. The door that led to one of the many on call rooms.

"You can not just act like this" Addison shot at him but when she saw that he was blocking the door she sighed and let Lily down on the floor. "Fine so talk to I can get out of here" she sunk down onto the one bed and looked up at him.

"Ben came by earlier" Alex started. "Not only did he literary drag Lily out of the cafeteria but he came back a few minutes later and accused me of kidnapping her."

"Kidnapping her?" Addison looked from Alex to Lily who was hunched on the floor with her eyes at her shoes.

"She ran away from him" Alex stated.

"Why?" this time her question was directed at her daughter.

Lily just looked up and gave a look. "Because…he yelled…I don't like what he does when he gets mad" she said and Addison closed her eyes and let out a sigh.

"Come here" she held her hands out and Lily rose from the floor, happily accepting the embrace. "It's okay now" she let her fingers go through Lily's hair to sooth her but her eyes went up to meet Alex's.

"Lily how would you like to go and see Izzie again?" Alex suggested.

"No" Lily moved closer to Addison.

"Maybe just for a little while…" Addison suggested. "So me and Alex here can talk."

Lily looked from Addison to Alex back and forth a few times before she silently nodded. Alex opened the door and got a hold of Izzie who as he had expected was waiting outside along with Meredith and a few nurses, all interested in what was going on.

After a few sentences along the way of 'We just need to talk' and 'I owe you guys' Alex managed to get his two friends to look after Lily and he could get back into the on call room where Addison had not moved at all since he left.

"So now we can talk" he sat down on a chair by the opposite wall, deciding to leave her with the space she had just in case. "I talked to Lily earlier."

"So what do you know?" Addison crossed her legs and leaned back against the wall, clearly not comfortable with the conversation. Her brain was working on over drive, thoughts of explanations were swirling around in her head.

"She said he hurts you" Alex didn't look angry, just sad. "Is that true?"

"Of course he doesn't hurt me" Addison tried to laugh and make it seem real but even to her it sounded hollow and Alex just gave her one of those looks. One of those that every doctor learned early on and used on patients when they had bad news to deliver. It was the look that closed any discussion. "I'm fine Alex" she said.

"Okay" she was surprised that he gave in so soon. But he did get up and sat down next to her on the bed. Without giving her time to react he grabbed her nearest wrist and held it in his, pulling up her sleeve in one motion. His fingertips gently traced the marks that by now had turned a deep purple tone. "So I guess these were you walking into a door?" he looked up at her.

"Look Alex things are not always the way they look" Addison started but Alex just shook his head.

"I know this, okay" he said. "I have seen all the signs I have seen all the marks, the bruises and all the tears…" he looked away briefly but long enough for her to see his eyes go glossy.

"How did you…?" she didn't know what she meant to ask but he understood.

"My dad beat my mum" he said. "It's not something I talk about but just so you know, I do understand. I understand what he does…I even understand your bound to him…so if you want to talk to someone you should let that someone be me" he took her hand in his again. "I do understand."

"Thank you Alex" she gave him a small smile before she moved away from him and rose to her feet. "But I really am fine" she continued out of the room, leaving him alone.

Alex sighed and plunged his fist into the mattress underneath him in a pathetic way to unleash his frustration. She had been right there, she had shown him all the signs and he had opened up. Damn he had told her something only a few people ever knew…and what did she do in response? She left, using the phrase he hated most in life – 'I'm fine'.

He let his body fall back against the bed and placed his hands under his head starring up at the ceiling. He tried to get the rest he had wanted all day but all he got once he closed his eyes were images from his childhood. The screaming and the cries once again echoed in his head. But soon other screams came through and he opened his eyes again.

As fast as he could he got on his feet and hurried out of the door just in time to see Addison and Ben leaving, both talking rather loudly. Lily was grasping her mommy's hand tightly as they got outside. Alex hurried after but stopped by the glass doors, watching them leave.

"Man he was pretty angry" Meredith walked up behind him, she too watching the family of three leave towards their car.

"What did he say?" Alex asked without removing his eyes from the window.

"I don't know, something about children running loose and late surgeries" Meredith shrugged and let them go with her eyes, turning to watch Alex. "What is really going on with you two?"

"Nothing" Alex answered.

"Should I be worried about you ruining her mirage?" Meredith asked.

But Alex didn't answer, he simply turned away, walking towards the locker room, leaving Meredith alone and the questions still hovering above her head not making much sense…

--

_Close embr__ace, but no more. Cold Champagne we forgot to pour_


	8. Easy smile

**A/N; **Wow did I get a lot done today, lol. All my homework along with everything else on my to-do list…So I figured I would give you a new chapter. Some of you might be very happy with it…and some might be extremely happy, lol…enough rambling and more reading…

**8. Easy smile**

Alex was still not feeling much better once he had changed and walked out of the locker room. He had a strong urge to run after Addison, he had a feeling he should…yet he couldn't.

"Alex" George hurried up to him as he reached the main entrance.

"What?" Alex turned around, he didn't mean to sound so harsh but he was just in the mood to talk to anyone.

"The gang is going to Joe's, you wanna join us?" George asked and just now Alex noticed Meredith, Derek, Christina, Izzie and Callie were all standing behind George.

"I don't really feel like it" Alex said and turned to leave.

"Alex you can not let Addison get to you again" Meredith stated rather loudly making him stop with one hand on the door. "Just come out with us and get a beer, nothing more."

"Fine" Alex shrugged and turned to look at her. "But Addison has nothing to do with this" he added. "I am and forever will be over her" with those words he walked out through the door and headed for the bar.

--

The soft sound of a lonely violin was the first thing that hit her when she released her hands from her ears. She had felt the floor move as he had passed her and she knew the front door had closed several minutes before – yet she did not move.

She slowly scrambled to her feet in the darkness and opened the door. The hallway outside was empty and the music grew louder as she slowly walked towards the master bedroom. Her stuffed bear was tucked close to her chest as to protect her from whatever sight she might see inside.

She reached the door only finding it half closed. The music from inside grew louder and she pushed the door open, wincing by the sight that hit her. "Mommy…" she took a few steps into the room towards the figure hunched down on the floor.

Addison looked up and after a few blinks she could see Lily, if so rather blurry. "Are you okay?" she asked and forced her body up in a sitting position, leaning against the side of the bed.

"Yes" Lily nodded and swallowed hard to make the tears go back down into her body.

"Good" Addison blinked a few times, fighting off the tiredness. "That's…good" her head slowly tipped to the side and her body fell to the floor.

"Mommy!" Lily hurried up and started to shake Addison but got no response. "Mommy please wake up!" by now the tears were falling freely.

She looked around the room trying to figure out what to do. She knew the answer was there, her mommy had gone over it with her when she was younger. But the stress and fear building up made it hard to think. But her eyes landed on the phone – she knew what she had to do…

--

"Hit me" Christina pushed the empty glass towards Joe.

"You sure?" Meredith asked, her tone was not surprised though, more like amused.

"Yes I am sure" Christina shot back. She accepted the drink Joe poured her and took a sip.

"So what do you think is up with him?" Meredith asked.

"With who?" Derek asked and looked in the same direction as her spotting Alex. "I have no idea."

"He's Alex, no one ever knows what goes on in that thick head of his" Christina muttered.

"He has been all weird since Addison came back" Meredith said. "I just can't help but have this feeling."

"I am sure that if Alex and Addison have some issues to go through they can do so on their own" Derek answered simply.

"Do you have to be so good all the time?" Christina looked up from her drink and starred him down. "We go here to drink. To get drunk and to not be all optimistic."

"Sorry" Derek laughed slightly and went back to his beer.

Over on the other side of the room a man entered. He looked around before he walked over to the bar. He waved up the bartender. "A shot of vodka please."

The sound of the voice made Alex's head swing around. "What are you doing here?" he gave the man a look that he hoped showed as much anger as he could hold.

"I came for a drink" Ben stated.

"So where is your wife?" it was a simple question but that quick glimmer in Ben's eyes made Alex realize the answer was not as simple.

"Can I just get my drink alone please" Ben gave Alex a quick look and the turned to grab his drink.

"No" Alex moved quickly, getting down from his chair and using the full force of his body to slam his fist into Ben's face.

"Alex!" Izzie cried and got off her chair and the others hurried over to him.

"What are you doing?" Derek stepped up just in time to catch Alex before he had a time to take a second swing.

"What, you can only beat other people up?" Alex shot Ben a look as he brushed the blood away from his face. "You can't handle being on the other side of the fight?"

"Alex!" Derek held him back.

"Let go of me" Alex squirmed to get out of Derek's grip but it was no use.

"I am sorry" Izzie took a better look at Ben's broken nose. "My friend must have gone crazy or something" she gave him a smile before she turned her head and gave Alex a look of pure disgust.

"Where is she?" Alex starred into Ben's eyes.

"Like I would tell you" Ben laughed, drowned down his drink and placed the money on the bar. "Now if you excuse me I should get back to my family…" he gave Alex a smile before he walked out of the bar.

Only once the door closed did Derek let go of Alex again. Alex just turned to stare at his friends as they gave him odd looks.

"Why did you just do that?" Izzie asked.

"I had my reasons" Alex stated. He reached out and grabbed his jacked from the chair.

"You just beat up a guy" Derek did not sound happy. "You could get kicked out of the program for this."

"Yeah and yet it doesn't feel too bad" Alex replied before he turned around and headed out of the bar…

--

"No…" he heard the distant cry and hurried across the street just in time to see the gurney being pulled out from the ambulance.

The small girl was crying desperately and wouldn't let go of the side of the gurney no matter how much the paramedics tried to sooth her.

"Lily" Alex hurried up but stopped, frozen as he saw the woman on the gurney. The long locks of red was messy and her face was covered in bruises and slam drips of blood. "Addison…" he winced just looking at her.

"Alex" Lily let go of the gurney and grabbed his hand, pulling him down to her level. "You didn't save her…" the four year old had a strange coldness in her voice and her eyes were crystal clear as she looked at him. "You broke your promise…"

"Lily" Alex said but the girl just turned around and followed as a doctor wheeled her mommy into the hospital.

He stood there for a long time. He didn't move or do anything for several minutes. But when he did start to move he moved fast, he got past the nurses, the patients, he even pushed his way into an already crowded elevator. By the time he reached the right floor he stopped the first free nurse but it was no use. Addison had been taken to surgery already…

"Alex what are you doing here?" Callie looked up in surprise to see him there. "I thought you would have gone home after what happened at Joe's."

"I made a promise" Alex said just as he spotted Lily sitting in the waiting area. She was dangling her legs back and forth from the too big chair, the teddy bear still in her lap and she was starring straight forward without really seeing anything.

"You know you can't work after you have been drinking, right?" Callie asked.

"I'm not here in work" Alex said and moved past her to get to Lily.

"Sure" Callie said mostly to herself as she looked down at the chart the nurse gave her. Her heart did a double take as she saw the name…never had she thought when she got paged that this would be her case…

--

Alex sat down next to Lily but she didn't do anything to indicate that she knew he was there.

"I tried" Alex said, knowing she was listening. "I talked to her but she wouldn't listen. I thought I had more time, I thought I could save her if I got more time…I just needed time…" he could feel his eyes going glossy and he slid his face down in his hands.

Her voice was quiet and it was obvious she had been crying a lot but she still had a strength to it that made her sound so much older then her four years. "We never had time…we knew we didn't have time…you gave me hope…I should have listened to mommy when she said hope was for other people…"

--

_Easy smile, but no fun. __Sweet music for no one_


	9. Return to the days before

**A/N; **So some people asked for back-story – and since I love my reviewers so much I am giving you back-story. So this is where we get to see what happened that lead up to where we are today…I will still have the hospital stuff though, so a little something for everyone.

_(Flashbacks are in italics)_

**9. Return to the days before**

When two nurses, Olivia and Nancy wheeled Addison into a recovery room about an hour later Ben was already there. He was sitting on one of the chairs by the window with a car magazine in his lap. He was sending glances on the pages and just looked up when he heard the door open.

On the chair next to him sat Lily, she jumped down as soon as she saw the bed being wheeled into place next to the empty one from a patient had left early that same morning.

"Mommy" she grabbed the cold steel on the side of the bed and pulled herself further up so she could get a better look at Addison's face. The face that was now looking much better once it was cleaned up, just a few bruises and a swollen lower lip.

"Addison" Ben placed the magazine on the table with the others before he pulled his chair up to the side of the bed. "Addison can you hear me?" he leaned over and took her hand in his, gently placing a kiss on the bandage…

--

_**May 15th 2008**_

"_Yes…yes I know I said I would go but…" Addison put her shoulder up to hold the phone while she started to collect some apples in a plastic bag and slid it into her basket. "…I know you already bought the groceries Savvy but…" her__ pleads seemed to go unnoticed by her friend. _

_Addison let her friend go on and on while she picked up some cucumber and tomatoes and then took her place in the line. "I have to work…__how do you know I don't have any surgeries?" she couldn't help but laugh as she placed her basket on the table, looking up briefly. There she spotted the most stunning brown eyes she had ever seen and her heart notably did a double jump._

"_Hi" he smiled._

"_Hi" she returned the smile, suddenly feeling oddly like a school girl with no idea how to speak to the cool guy. _

"_That will be 22;50" he said she quickly broke out of her trance like stage. _

"_Right" she fished up her money and handed it to him, their fingers touching just quickly but it was enough to send chills up her arms. _

"_Oh and before I forget it maybe I could get your number?" he added with another flawless smile as he leaned closer over the table towards her. _

"_Sure" Addison smiled and pulled up one of her business cards and gave it to him. "Home number is on the back" she added with a smile before she grabbed her groceries and walked away to leave room for the other shoppers. _

_She made it a few meters before she heard Savvy talking in her cell phone. She smiled widely as she made her way towards her car. "…Yes Savvy I will be there…just give me an hour…oh and I have news…"_

_--_

The constant beeping of the machines was all that was heard in the small recovery room. The light that before had shone in through the windows had now disappeared, leaving the room with only the flickering light in the ceiling. Lily was sound asleep on the empty bed and Ben was sitting next to her, once again with the magazine in his hands.

Addison was still asleep, according to the nurses she would be for several hours due to her medication. He had gotten a list of her injuries and was even shocked himself at how many there were. Sure he knew the bruises would be there, like always but he didn't mean to break two ribs, her wrist and to give her a concussion.

With a small sigh he glanced over at his daughter, he smiled at how sweet she looked with her red hair spread out over her back and the small thumb in her mouth. She looked just as innocent as Addison did…it surprised him how long ago it was he had seen them both so calm and at peace…

With another sig he want back to his magazine, flicking through the pages without really seeing them…

--

_She had gone on a date with the mystery man from the grocery store and found out that his name was Ben. He usually worked at a publisher's office but did some extra work at __the grocery store for a friend. They went on date number 2 and that followed by number 3, 4 and by date number 5 she was sure he was different from any other man she had dated. After five months he asked her to move in, sure her apartment was bigger but he liked his place…so she caved…_

_He slowly started to become more and more controlling, always having to know where she was at all time. She found it cute at start but that feeling soon changed…_

_**November 21th 2008**_

_A__ddison knew something was wrong the second she walked through the door. The tension in the apartment hit her like a wall. She slid off her bag in the hallway and her coat soon followed and so did her shoes. She had taken the habit of taking of her heels as soon as she got home to save her poor feet. _

_She walked into the living room and spotter her boyfriend sitting in his favorite arm chair, his eyes at the hockey game on TV and a beer in his hand. _

"_Hi honey" she bent down to place a kiss on his lips but eh turned his head so her lips landed on his cheek. __"What's wrong?" she rose again and looked at him. _

"_Where have you been?" he didn't move his eyes from the TV screen as he spoke. _

"_At work and then I met Savvy and some friends for a beer at the bar down on 5__th__" she answered lightly as if it was no big deal. _

"_You shouldn't go out without me" he stated. "Haven't we talked about that?"_

"_Yes" she sighed. "I'm sorry but it was just one of those spur of the moment things, you know."_

"_Still you are my girl, you should not be out drinking with other guys" he rose from his chair and walked out into the kitchen. _

"_I know" she followed him and almost ran into the open fridge door. "I said I was sorry."_

"_Sure" he slammed the door shut and starred at her. "This is not the first time" he said and slid his finger under the lid to the new beer and the lid flew off. In a quick motion he pushed her up against the wall and held her there for a few seconds before he realized what he was doing. "…I'm so sorry" he let her go and she starred at him in shock. "I didn't mean to…I don't know what got into me…you know I love you" he kissed her quickly. _

"_Yeah" she nodded and he walked out of the room and she could soon hear the front door close, leaving Addison alone in the kitchen._

_She grabbed her cell phone and dialed the number she knew so well. "Savvy it's me…" she felt the tears welling up and soon she was sobbing uncontrollably. __"I don't know what happened…one second we're fine and one second he tries to choke me…" she took another breath as she hear her friend say just what she knew she would say. "…I can't leave…" she heard Savvy answer. "…Because I am pregnant…"_

_--_

The sounds of the room was what hit her first. The machine next to her was beeping and the sound of people walking outside. Then came the smell, the smell of hospital that she had known for so long. She tried to open her eyes and the lights hit her hard, causing her to blink rapidly, trying to the world back in focus. Her head was throbbing but she didn't really care. What she cared about was the fact that she was alone. Or actually not quite alone, she relaxed a bit as she spotted Lily sleeping on the bed next to hers…but other then her she was alone.

She moved her right hand, ignoring the pain and soon she felt the button under her fingertips and she pressed it.

The doors opened and the nurse she vaguely remembered as Olivia came in. she gave Addison a smile. "Hi there, how are you feeling?"

"I need…" Addison tried to take another breath but her chest felt as if it was on fire.

"What do you need? Should I get your husband?" Olivia asked but Addison quickly shook her head.

"Alex…I need Alex…" her voice was getting a tiny bit stronger and Olivia surely heard every word, yet she didn't understand it.

"Alex?" she asked.

"Yes" Addison nodded and Olivia had no choice but to go out of the room again to try and find Alex Karev.

--

_**April 5**__**th**__** 2013**_

"_We're moving" Ben said as he came in to the bedroom that night._

"_Why? Where?" Addison asked confused as she pulled over the covers over her daughter's body and then walked around the bed over to his side. _

"_I got a job offer…in Seattle…"_

_--_

Alex hurried into the room and up to her bed, trying to not think about the bruises that made her face blue instead of that soft milky skin he was used to see on her. He took her good hand and she opened her eyes again, smiling as she saw him.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

"No I am the one who should say that" he said with a weak smile. "I gave up on you when I shouldn't have."

"I should have told you…" she said slowly, every breath hurt her yet she knew she had to tell him now while she had a chance. "You were right…"

"I didn't want to be" he confessed just as they heard footsteps outside of the door.

Addison flinched and pulled her hand back but her eyes still met his, pleading. "Alex please…" that was all she could get out before the door opened up and Ben walked back inside…

_--_

_Never, never let you go. Return the days we had before_


	10. It was all pretend

**A/N; **This chapter was meant to go up last night but I got stuck, lol. Anyway here it is and I hope you like it.

I have in the former chapters used lyrics from 'Never let you go' but from now on I will use 'Since you've been gone' by Kelly Clarkson that a very dear reader suggested. But I don't own the song…

**10. It ****was all pretend**

"You again" Ben sighed as he spotted Alex. "Do you always work this late?"

"Actually…" Alex started but was cut off as Ben made his way over to Addison's other side and took her hand in his.

"Maybe you should leave?" Ben suggested, pulling her hand closer to himself as to show he had no business there.

"Fine" Alex took a step away and let Addison's hand slide out of his. "I have some people I need to see anyway…but I will be back" he added and gave her a smile before he walked out of the room.

"God I thought he would never leave" Ben said as he sat down on his chair. He looked back up at her and realized she was no longer looking at him, her head was tilted to the side and her eyes etched on the door where Alex had just left. "So how are you feeling?" he asked and watched how her head slowly tipped back to look at him.

"Why do you care?" her voice was slow and raspy but her eyes showed all the anger she felt inside.

"Of course I care" he gave her a sweet smile. "I love you, you know that" he added and bent down to kiss her but she turned her head, forcing his lips on her cheek instead. "What is with you, you know I only did it because you asked for it" his voice grew louder for every word.

"I want a…" she tried to get all the words out but her chest was pressing down, only allowing a small portion of air out at one time.

"A what?" Ben asked.

"A…divorce" she said it as clear as she could and she could definitely see that he heard her. The pure look of shock crossed his face.

"No you don't" he stated firmly. "You are just acting silly because of the medication you are on. You are just in pain right now…but you know that goes away and you know we're good together…right?"

"No…we're not" she replied.

"Addison…" Ben started but just then the door opened up and a nurse came in.

"Excuse me, I just need to check on her, doctor's order" she said with a small shrug and started to read off the machines.

"Great" Ben grabbed his jacket from the chair so hard that the chair fell to the floor. He stopped right beside Addison's bed and hesitated, almost as if he was not sure on what to do. "I am leaving now and you are going to miss me, you hear that? You will regret telling me to leave…maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow…but you will regret it…" he whispered the words so the nurse wouldn't hear him but he knew she did. The pure look of fear on her face was what made him leave the room smiling.

The sound of the chair falling had not just startled the nurse but it had woken up Lily. She had kept her eyes closed, hoping against all odds that she would fall back asleep but when she heard the door close she opened them.

The room was still filled with the flickering lights, making the shadows grow bigger in the corners then it had when she had fallen asleep last time.

"Mommy?" she slipped down from the bed and took the few steps over to the other bed.

"Lily" Addison smiled as she saw her daughter. She patted the side of her bed and the girl quickly climbed up and curled up close to her mommy.

"I thought you were dead" Lily whispered as more tears started to flow down her cheeks.

"I would never leave you…don't you know that?" Addison moved her bandaged hand up and carefully let her fingers slide through her daughter's hair. "…I am always here for you…"

--

Just one floor down Olivia was filing up the nights last charts by the nurses' station. The night had not only been long but busier then normal, causing her normal fast hands to move a bit slow.

"Long night?" she looked up to see a fellow nurse, Annie, leaning on the counter.

"You have no idea" Olivia let out a deep sigh as she reached for her coffee, placing it to her mouth only to realize it was much too cold to drink. "This is just not my day" she let the paper cup fall into the trash beside her.

"Then good think I am here so you can go home" Annie added with a smile. "Just catch me up on any new cases and you can sleep for another day."

"Okay" Olivia pulled up the two charts that belonged to the only two new patients. "We have a Mr. Anderson in room 379, came in with stomach pain and is set for observation until one of the day-time doctors comes" she placed the chart on the desk. "And then there is Dr. Montgomery in room…"

"Wait, Addison is here as a patient or as it is her patient?" Annie asked as she took the chart from her friend's hand.

"As a patient" Olivia answered. "And…" she leaned closer to her friend, showing what she was about to say was only for her ears. "…she looked pretty beaten up if you ask me…and she did not run into any doors…"

"Really?" Annie said thoughtfully. "So did anyone come with her?"

"Her daughter, the poor thing was terrified" Olivia answered. "The husband came in later…and from what I hear he looked pretty bad himself."

"You mean they fought?" Annie asked.

"I don't know" Olivia shrugged but her head nodded slightly. "He did have a broken nose…he was the lucky one though."

"You don't think he…?" Annie didn't have to finish the sentence, it was too obvious what she meant anyway.

"I am just saying what I saw" Olivia got up and walked around the big desk, stopping right next to her friend. "But if you ask me what I think…"

"Yeah" Annie nodded, knowing what the other was saying. "Do we take any precautions?"

"Not unless she says anything or he acts violent" Olivia said. "Though I have a feeling he might be gone."

"Why would you think that, don't you know it's never over with things like that?" Annie turned to face her friend.

"I was sent in there earlier, Dr. Karev forced me to check on her soon after he left. Anyway he was very angry that I interrupted something and he kind of stormed out…after saying something about him leaving and not coming back" Olivia answered.

"So you think Dr. Karev knows something?" Annie asked. "He just isn't the one to get too personal with patients like that."

"Well you know before you got here, they kind of had a thing" Olivia laughed slightly at Annie's shocked face.

"Seriously?"

"Yes, it was quite the gossip back then. But she left for New York and he continued his way through the nurses or doctors, whoever fell for his charm…"

"Then maybe he isn't over her…" Annie said but Olivia just laughed.

"Alex Karev is definitely not one to think of a woman for that long" she checked her watch and realized her shift was over. "So I will leave this mad house to you and I am off to bed."

"Right, thanks for the talk" Annie laughed and grabbed the files before they each walked off in a different direction…

--

"Dr. Karev" Derek looked up as he heard the door to his office open. He showed for the younger man to sit down on the chair in front of his desk. "What can I do for you today?"

"You tell me, you paged me, remember" Alex sunk down in the chair offered to him.

"Okay then, let's go right to the problem then shall we?" Derek moved the papers to a neat pile before him and placed his arms on the free space so he could lean closer to Alex. "I have known you for a long time now. I have seen you go from the awkward intern to a doctor. I know you have a record of being tough…but I also know that you would never beat up a guy like that without a reason. So tell me Alex, what was that reason?"

"I'm sorry" Alex answered. "There is no way I can just tell you that."

"You do realize that this is ground of suspension, right?" Derek continued, hoping that a threat would speed up the process but he was in no such luck as Alex just got up and pulled the ID card off his robe.

"Then I guess you have no choice" he let the card fall on to the table with a sharp, hard sound as the metal clip hit the wood.

"Alex."

"I'm sorry Dr. Sheppard" Alex turned around in the doorway. "I really am" and with that he walked out of the chief's office…

_--_

_Here's the thing. We started out friends. It was cool but it was all pretend_


	11. Stumbling on

**A/N; **Now I feel very proud for my updates lately, I give credit to world championship in hockey though, games are fun but also very good to write while watching, lol. Anyway you don't care about my writing habits so on to the chapter.

I have also recently been told that maybe I should get a Beta so if you feel like you want to help me on that apartment let me know. It would basically mean reading my chapters before I post and help me with spelling and other wrongs I might do…and of course that gives you first dibs on reading the new chapters…

So….on with the story…

**11. Stumbling on**

_Breathing. _

_In and out, I__n and out. _

_Slow yet affective ways to know you are still alive. Just one breath after another, feeling the air filling her lungs and knowing she was still there. She had been sitting for so long she couldn't feel the hard floor under her anymore and the roughness of the wall against her back seemed to be just an extension of her body. The tears had long ago subsided, leaving only small thin streaks alongside her cheeks. _

_Her hands were no longer clutched in fists and her earlier shallow breaths had turned deeper and calmer. Her heart no longer racing…but she still felt it._

_The problem was that she didn't know what 'it' was…_

_Lily was sitting in the platform on the third floor next to the stairs…_

--

"Dr. Karev" Derek hurried out of his office just in time to catch Alex by the nurses station. "You're making a big mistake right now. I understand that you think you have to do this but you don't."

"If my choice is to betray a trust or keep my job I am all for giving up the latter" Alex stated and gave the older man a confident look.

"You're giving up your career here" Derek said. "You do realize that, right?"

Alex paused for a moment and glanced up at the man he had once not only seen as a mentor but also a friend. But he saw nothing of that now, in that moment all he saw was his boss trying to save his ass…only he did not need to be saved. "I know" Alex said and turned around, heading towards the elevators with slow steps.

"Alex!" Derek called but the younger of the two didn't answer, he simply walked into the elevator and disappeared out of sight as the doors closed.

Alex leaned against the back of the elevator and closed his eyes, fighting back the urge to slam his fist into the wall beside him. An urge that was still quite there as the elevator stopped and the doors once again opened, this time letting on the two last people he wanted to see.

"Hi Alex" Izzie said happily before she pressed the number five on the panel beside her.

"How are you feeling? Beaten down any other guys lately?" Meredith was trying to make it sound funny but he could hear the undertone in it.

"Would you please just back off" He mumbled quietly and glanced up to see how far he had to go – still only on the third floor, he couldn't help but let out a sigh.

"You know Alex an explanation would be good" this time Meredith felt the need to turn around and actually look at him as she spoke. "You were never the one to just beat someone up, there has to be some kind of story to it."

"Can't I just be the guy who beat someone up and got suspended?" Alex shot back just as the small bell signaled them hitting floor four and the doors opened. He pushed his way past her and Izzie.

"Wait you got suspended?" Izzie shot out an arm to make sure the doors stayed open.

"Why do you care?" Alex shot her a quick look before he turned the corner heading away from them.

"Something's definitely up" Meredith said once Izzie let the doors close.

"Yes but what?" the blonde leaned against the wall and watched her friend think.

"We need to figure it out" Meredith stated. "We should ask Christina."

"Why, you don't think we can figure it out ourselves…?" Izzie started but as she heard herself talk she stopped. "You're right, we need Christina…"

"For things like this we always need Christina" Meredith nodded…

--

When Addison woke up she was alone. She hadn't really expected Ben to be there, sure she had the fear he might but the real fear was that Lily was not in her room. She tried to use her hands to get herself up but failed miserably as a wave of pain shot through her body. She gave up and instead reached for the tiny control panel on her side and by that managed to move the top of her bed up until she was sort of sitting up.

She was just about to buzz for someone when the doors opened and Derek walked in, wearing a face that showed her just how much it pained him to be there.

"Addie…what are you doing here?" he walked past the chair and sat down on the edge of her bed.

"Oh you know, every doctor should do some patient research" she tried to laugh but was cut short as it only brought on more pain in her chest.

"You're not joking this away" Derek stated firmly. "Now who did this to you, and don't even pretend this is caused by a staircase or a damn door" his voice rose more for every word.

"Okay" she took a breath as deep as she could. "I was walking home from the grocery store and like always my keys were in the bottom of the bag, you know how those things always seem to hide from me" she gave him a weak smile. "And well this guy asked if I could tell him the time, he had snuck up on me from out of nowhere and yes I know, I should have hit him and run, right" she added.

"Oh Addie…why didn't you say something" Derek could feel his through go dry, sure it had been a long time but she was still family to him and anyone hurting her was on his list to hurt back.

"I didn't really get a chance" she answered. "Now how bad is it, when can I get back to work?" she nodded towards the chart in his hands, the one with her name on it.

"This…" Derek opened it and let his eyes go over it. "You were lucky, Addie."

"Lucky as in I can go home with a bottle of aspirin or lucky as in I can go home at all?" he let her blue eyes meet his, not trusting his words as much as the look on his face. The face that right now didn't tell her much so she reached out and grabbed the chart.

"You can't read your own chart" he exclaimed but she just held up a hand as to tell him to shut up.

"…that bastard…" she mumbled as she read just what he had done to her. "He punctured my lung and broke two ribs…"

"You'll be fine" Derek assured her. "Only mild injuries, except for that concussion which is the major reason why I want to keep you here a while longer… oh and Callie will be back later to get change the bandages on that wrist of yours…"

"Thank you" she handed the chart back to him. "Oh by the way, have you seen Lily anywhere?" she added once he rose from the bed.

"Last time I saw her one of the nurses took her to get some breakfast" Derek answered. "She should be back soon."

"Thanks again" Addison said but to her surprise he stopped in the doorway and turned around. "Does Alex know anything about this?" he asked.

She could feel her heart do a double take but she tried to keep a straight face. "No why?"

"I just thought…" Derek ran a hand through his hair. "He flipped out earlier, I just hoped there was a reason…" he let out a sigh. "…I guess I just want a reason why I shouldn't let him quit…"

"Quit?" Addison asked confused. "Why would he quit?"

"Never mind, I shouldn't be telling you this" Derek replied. "I will be back to check on you later" he gave her a smile before he escaped from the room, leaving a very confused Addison behind wondering what on earth she had put Alex into…

--

_Breathing. _

_In and out, I__n and out. _

_Slow yet affective ways to know you are still alive. Just one breath after another, feeling the air filling his lungs and knowing he was still there. The floor underneath him was starting to numb away and his back hardly ached anymore from the contact with the wall behind him. He didn't know how long he had been sitting there anymore. All he knew was his thoughts…_

_He was trapped in a corner with no way out, it was as if changes kept happening out of his control and he just desperately needed for the world to slow down – for __him to catch up. But there was something else in there as well, a feeling of warmth that he had not felt in a very long time…and it scared the hell out of him…_

_His__ hands were no longer clutched in fists and his earlier shallow breaths had turned deeper and calmer. His heart no longer racing…but he still felt it._

_The problem was that she didn't know what 'it' was…_

_Alex was sitting in the platform on the fifth floor next to the stairs…_

--

_But since you've been gone. __I can't breathe for the first time, stumbling on_


	12. I called you mine

**A/N;** This chapter is sort of a bridge between the first and second part of this story. That is why it is a bit shorter and it would be too confusing to do the time jump that I am planning in the middle of a chapter…anyway more about that in the next chapter and onto this one as that is why you are all here.

**12. I called you mine**

_Days went by in a haze for Addison, mostly a haze of sleeping mixed with a very nice dosage of morphine. People came and visited, she played a silly card game with Lily that one of the nurses had thought her…but Alex never came. She pretended she was cool with it, after all she had scared him off. She should be happy with all he had done and not miss what he hadn't done…right?_

--

"You still haven't talked to Derek?" Meredith had long ago stopped the nice act and had gone into a very annoyed mood when it came to her friend.

"Why should I?" Alex ripped his locker open and started to dig through his things, throwing old food in the trash while collecting his more personal possessions into a duffle bag.

"Because you want to be a surgeon" this time it was Christina who answered while she tucked her hair up in a pony tail, preparing for her time in surgery later.

"You just have no idea" Alex shook his head before he slammed the door to his locker closed with a loud bang.

"So tell us" Meredith jumped up to close off his way out of the room.

"Yes please do" Christina added as she slowly stepped up next to her friend, her motions much less enthusiastic.

"Lets just say I had damn good reasons to do what I did and I hold no regrets apart from me not being allowed to kill that bastard" Alex answered before he took a step up to move past them but just then Christina threw her arm out, hitting him square in the chest and pushed him back. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I don't know why everyone wants to know what is going on with you because frankly I don't give a damn. What I do care about is them hovering around me trying to find out so if you will please just tell us so they can go on with their sad little lives and leave me out of it" Christina starred her eyes into his, trying to use a trick Callie had once taught her on her wedding day during what can only be described as a all out chaotic day.

"You kept Burke's secret" Alex said simply.

"That was different, that was big…"

"So is this…" Alex moved by her. "Do you really think I would be risking my career if it wasn't?"

--

He should have gone home, he knew that. So why did he find himself lying on the bed in the on call room on the fourth floor? It was easy…he didn't have a home to go home to.

Sure he had a nice apartment with the fantastic view, he had the luxury furniture and everything he could want…as long as material things went that was. He had fooled himself that he was his work, that the other parts would come later…the reality was he had blown it. One single day so long ago he had blown it and every single day since then he had regretted it.

With a deep sigh he slammed his hands down onto the mattress under him, the motion was even so hard he never heard the door open.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone was in here" she turned to leave but he jumped up of the bed.

"Please stay" he reached out and took her hand guiding her back into the room.

"I was just looking for a bed" Addison said.

"Why, what's wrong with your room?" Alex asked all while he helped her over to the bed, holding her hand and even making sure she held on to the bed before he let go.

"Derek called my mum" Addison grimaced.

"Oh that was not nice" he said with a soft laugh. "You can have this room. I should leave anyway."

"Why did you do it Alex?"she asked the question just as he laid his hand on the door but her froze there and turned around to meet her gaze.

"Why did I do what?"

"I know you got suspended" she said. "I also don't know why as no one wants to tell me anything" she added. "So please just tell me."

"I met Ben at Joe's" Alex said.

"And…"

"I kind of…might have broken his nose" he couldn't keep the grin from spreading across his face.

"You did that?" Addison asked shocked. When he nodded she got up and took the few steps that separated the two of them and within seconds she had him trapped against the door in a kiss.

At first he was taken off guard but as his body started to relax he laced his arms around her waist. As soon as he was about to get comfortable and deepen the kiss she stepped back. "Thank you" she whispered.

"For what?" his brain was no longer working like it should and for some reason there was no way to get his heart to calm down.

"For stepping up" she answered, still standing so close to him that she could feel his heart racing against hers.

They stood there or a few more moments before Addison once again started to feel her injuries and she stepped back out of his arms. She sat down on the bed again and Alex followed and took a seat next to her.

"You should be resting" he stated.

"Fine just don't make me go back, my mum will surely drive me insane" she said and gave him a pleading look, even adding a pout she had learned at an early stage from her daughter.

"Fine" he said. "But that pout is just unfair; you look so cute I could never say no."

"That is the plan" She said and leaned over, placing a quick kiss on his cheek. "So will you stay with me?" she asked as she lay down on the bed.

"Of course" he lay down against the wall and after a bit of uncomfortable turning around he landed behind her with his arm loosely around her waist.

"Don't let me fall Alex…" she mumbled and backed closer to him and even though he had a feeling she was not meaning the bed he still wrapped his arm tighter around her body.

"I will never let you fall…" he whispered into her neck before he placed a kiss against her soft skin…

_--_

_You're dedicated,__ You took the time. Wasn't long 'till I called you mine_


	13. All you ever hear me say

**A/N; **So I figured a fast update should be done as last chapter was kind of short. We are closing in on the end of the story, just a few more chapters but the drama is not over yet, lol.

I do have an idea for a new project but I won't start that until about 2 weeks so I will talk more about that later…now let's move on with this story…

**13. All you ever hear me say**

**8 weeks later…**

She groaned as the sun abruptly pulled her out from the sweet stage of sleep she had been in for the last few hours. With a roll she turned around in the bed, preparing to hit the body next to her but her hand hit only air and then the cold bed cheats. Her eyes opened and met the scene she already knew would be there – the empty bed.

With a sigh she rolled onto her back and starred up at the white ceiling, the ceiling that was now slowly becoming familiar to her. The soft sound of the radio outside made her do the last effort and pushing the covers away from her body and get up. She grabbed a bathrobe on the way out of the room and did a quick check in the mirror, realizing she was by far not having a good hair day. She shook her head to loosen the hair up and then gave up, entering the large room outside.

He was standing in the small kitchen area with his back to her, clearly thinking he was still alone as he was taking small dance steps to the beat on the radio. She bit her lip to contain the laugh that was bubbling inside her from the sight and started tiptoeing towards him. She stopped right behind him and slid her arms around his waist…

"I never knew you were such a bad dancer" she whispered, feeling him stiffen lightly before he turned around to face her.

"Now that is just mean" Alex said. "You should see me on a good day, I can rock any dance" he added before he brushed his lips against hers in a common morning greeting. It was quick, like they had done it so many times now that it was a habit. Like they would do it forever.

"Oh really…I will have to take you up on that some time then" she teased. "So are you ready for today?" as she expected his arms tighten around her.

"Are you?" his voice turned serious as he looked at her.

"I have to" she answered before she stepped back and out of his grip. She moved towards the coffee pot behind him and started to pour up a cup. "You need your job back and it will help in keeping Lily safe" she continued but she didn't look at him, just thinking about what laid before her made tears fill her eyes.

"Hey, we will be fine…" Alex placed his hands on her shoulders, squeezing them softly to show he was there with her every step of the way.

Addison slowly turned around, leaving against the counter behind her. "I lived to my ex husband, the man I thought I could once tell anything to. I didn't just lie…it was a big ass lie and he will get mad" she said, her voice now holding that poise she was famous for. "I am doing this only so that I can keep my daughter safe and you can get your job back."

"I told you I don't need…"

"You do" she laughed. "I have seen you go around here for 8 weeks with nothing to do and it is driving you crazy. Plus you shouldn't give you job up because of me."

"Okay then" he smiled. "Are you ready to do this?" when she nodded he brought her into another hug and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Good…"

--

"Anyone know why we are here?" Izzie looked around the room that was slowly filling up with people. Christina was there with Burke, Meredith, Derek, George, Callie yes even Mark was there by now.

"All I know is that it has to do with something important" Derek shrugged.

"Yeah the page just said 911" Meredith added just as the doors to the room opened and Addison came in followed by Alex.

"Did you get paged too?" Mark asked Addison and the glancing at Alex. "And didn't he quit?"

"We actually paged you" Addison answered, grabbing the chair in front of her a support. "Please sit down and I will explain" she showed for them all to take the chairs and after a lot of screeching chair legs against the floor they were all sitting.

"So why did you call us here, Addie?" Derek asked. "Wait are you two engaged?" he asked.

"No she's pregnant" Mark jumped in, receiving one of Addison's fashionable eye rolls in reply.

"I am not pregnant Mark" she said before she turned to Alex who was just like her still standing up. "Will you please sit down you're stressing me when you are hovering."

"Sure" he sat down, something that caused Mark do cough out the word 'whipped' but seeing as Alex knew why they were there he took no notice.

"I am here to talk about my life" Addison started. "I am also here to clear out all the gossip…" by the word gossip she looked over at Meredith and Izzie. "…and the suspensions" then she looked at Derek.

"Addie we don't…" Mark started but she quickly cut him off.

"One more word out of your mouth and you will be thrown out" she threatened and he closed his mouth. "Now I am not going to pull the whole pity me story…or even the start…" she continued and started to button down her shirt. It was obvious Mark was on the verge to throw out a comment on the action but he was too scared, knowing she would actually throw him out. He did however forget about the thoughts as she slid her shirt off and even if she was still veering a tank top her arms was enough to send the message.

"Addie…" Derek gasped as his eyes landed on the bruises and cuts. "Did Alex do it?" his eyes landed on Alex with a mix of anger and hate filled in them.

"Don't be stupid Derek" Addison said calmly. "This was all Ben's doing. Yes that's right my husband beat me, not once, not twice but more times then I can remember…" she stopped to take a break and look out over her listeners.

"…that day you came in here…" Derek said.

"That was Ben yes" she nodded.

"And all you did was break his nose?" Derek turned to Alex. This time his eyes were filled with something other then hate, more like compassion.

"You wouldn't let me kill him" Alex muttered.

The whole room fell silent until Derek rose on his feet, pushing the chair back so fast it fell to the floor with a loud bang. He moved around the table until he was standing next to Addison.

"Why did you not tell me? Why did you tell it was some random burglar?" he asked and starred into her eyes. "Why did you trust Alex and not me?

"I didn't trust Alex" she answered, feeling the tears coming back again. "He found out and I lied to him as well…he just didn't back down" she lowered her eyes from her ex husbands intensive stare.

"Why did I not know?" he turned and pulled his hands through his hair repeatedly. "I should have known…the nurses were gossiping but I refused to believe it…"

"This is not your fault Derek" She said and placed her hand on his arm. "I am not yours to protect anymore, I could take care of myself."

"Yeah well that worked out so well, now didn't it?" he spun around, once again starring at her.

"I did what I did for my daughter" she shot back. "Now the reason she is still alive is because of my actions. The only reason she made it past age 1 is because of me…so do not go on me about my actions!"

Derek was about to say something back when Alex shot out of his chair, ripping the door open and hurrying outside. Seeing where he was heading Addison hurried after, soon everyone else did the same.

"Where is she?" Alex asked the nurse who was now looking rather scared.

"Where is who?" Meredith asked.

"Lily…" Derek gasped, knowing just one person to make Addison's face show that much fear.

"Her father came and picked her up, he said it was already settled" the nurse answered, not realizing the extend on what had just happened.

"I'm going" Alex said.

"I am going with you" Derek added.

"Me too" Addison said but both men shook their heads.

"You stay here with the others" Alex said. "That way we know you are safe…and we will get Lily back home before you know it" he added, knowing very well she could see the determination but also the fear in his eyes…

--

_And all you'd ever hear me say. Is how I picture me with you. __That's all you ever hear me say_


	14. Out of sight, out of mind

**A/N; **See a fast update, I feel so proud. I also feel very sad that this story is almost over though. Not only did I get more reviews, hits and all that then ever before but I really loved writing it like no other story.

But enough sadness, you are here to read chapter 14 so I will let you at it. Chapter 15 should be up tomorrow after I get back from my dad's house, that is if I survive a day with him and my mum in the same house without someone getting killed, lol

**14. Out of sight out of mind**

"I should known this would happen?" Addison flopped down onto the gurney so hard that Izzie who was sitting on the side of it had to grab onto the wall in order to keep herself from falling off and onto the floor.

"You woke up and knew your husband would kidnap your daughter?" Christina asked as she took a seat on the gurney across the small corridor from Addison.

"No" Addison shot her a look that surely could kill if she tried hard enough. "I just knew today would suck that's all."

"And you knew that because…?" Meredith took the seat next to her and soon George and Callie took the empty seats next to Meredith, leaving Mark standing, not wanting the seat next to Christina and Preston.

"Because I had a bad hair day" Addison ran her fingers through her long red locks as to emphasize her point. On that note mark started to laugh but quickly swallowed it once the red head shot him another killer look. "Shut up Mark."

That was a signal that made everyone fall silent, mostly because no one knew just what to say to make Addison feel better but also because the realizations from earlier were still knew on their minds.

"Waiting sucks" Addison sighed as she scooped back on the gurney until she could lean against the wall behind her.

"Are you scared?" Izzie asked and turned to look at Addison.

"Of course I am scared" Addison answered. "Am I scared he will hurt Lily, no" she continued. "I know him well enough to know that he wouldn't do that. But am I scared he will hurt Alex or Derek…yeah" she stopped to brush away a single tear that had broken through her touch façade and made its way down her cheek…

--

"How do we even know how to find him?" Derek asked as he held onto the side of the door while Alex took yet another tight turn. "And would you mind keeping to the speed limit before you crash my car."

"He took Lily for one simple reason" Alex answered before he turned the steering wheel taking yet another tight turn.

"Would you mind explaining just what that reason would be?" Derek asked.

"He never hurt Lily before meaning he took her knowing it would make Addison go after him. He wants her, he always only wanted her" Alex stopped the car so fast Derek felt himself fly forward and had to stop himself by grabbing hold of the dashboard in front of him.

"A little warning would be nice" Derek cried. "And what is this sudden obsession with Addison and Lily?" he added, turning to look at his former co-worker.

When Alex didn't answer and just got out of the car Derek found no way but to follow. Just then did he realize they were at a park only blocks away from the hospital, he could even see the ferry boats in the distance.

"Alex you never answered my question" he said and hurried after Alex who was walking down from the parking lot. "Would you stop the silent act before I kick your ass" that did the trick and Alex stopped, turned around and gave Derek a very angry look.

"Fine you want to now why I care?" Alex asked. "Well first off we have the fact that I have been crazy for her since day one. The kissing and the on-call rooms just had that feeling one me."

"Alex…"

"No you wanted to know I am telling you" Alex shot back before Derek could finish his sentence. "But the real reason why I care is simple. I've seen it all before. My dad used to beat up my mum…a lot and I had to stand by and watch. That is why I beat up Ben when I had the chance and that is the same reason I would do this whole thing over again in a second…" he stopped and turned around again, continuing his walk into the park.

Derek remained in his place, just letting all the words sink in. He had never thought that was the answer, that Alex actually had such a good explanation. Sure he knew it was big – just not that big.

"Are you coming or what?" Alex asked and Derek hurried down the path.

"So where are we going?"

"There" Alex pointed down at the big roundabout, the one with the old carnival horses and the same tune being played over and over again all day.

"How do you know they are there?" Derek asked as they both hurried closer and the sound of children screaming and laughing became louder.

"Because Lily loves this place. For reasons I don't know those horses is the only thing that makes her smile when she is sad. She even makes Addison hum the melody to her when she is sick…if he didn't want to hurt her then he would have taken her here" Alex answered and grabbed the steel railing around the carousel and followed it around to the front.

"You are a genius" Derek mumbled as he spotted Ben sitting on one of the benches with a news paper in his hands.

"I know" Alex replied and the two men moved towards Ben with fast and firm steps. "Hey asshole!" he yelled and Ben's head shot up.

"What are you doing here?" he asked surprised and jumped up from the bench.

"Kicking your sorry ass" Derek answered and grabbed the top of Ben's shirt, lifting him up and pressing him up against the booth beside him.

"I don't know what you want. All I did was take my daughter out to the park" Ben said, his words getting harder to hear as Derek pressed his hand tighter around his neck.

"You beat up my ex wife" Derek said angrily. "You might as well have killed her, guess if I am happy about that" he tightened his grip.

"Hey Derek" Alex said but nothing happened. "DEREK!"

"Fine" Derek let go of his grip and pushed Ben onto the grass and watched him fall.

"What do we do now?" Derek asked and turned to Alex.

"We call the police" Alex answered before he turned around as the carousel was slowing down and he spotted Lily waving at him from one of the horses. "And we get Lily back to her mother…"

--

"Okay I am done waiting" Addison jumped off the gurney and headed for the door out from the corridor and back into the hospital.

"Adds" Mark hurried after her and caught up with her quickly in the crowded corridor inside the hospital.

"What Mark?" she asked without so much as look at him.

"They will find her you know" he said and placed his arm over her shoulders to give her as much support as he could.

Addison was about to say something in return but she sent a look out through the large windows she spotted three people walking towards the hospital and she broke out smiling. Without hesitation she hurried out through the front doors, not even minding that it was raining. She ran up and met the four year old and she spun her up in the air before she tucked her close to her chest in a tight hug.

"Mommy…" Lily laughed. "…you're making it hard to breathe, mommy…"

"Oh sorry" Addison released her grip slightly. "I just missed you so much."

"You shouldn't cry" Lily moved her small hand over her mother's cheek and brushed away the tears that had now mixed themselves with the cold raindrops.

"I hope those are happy tears" Derek said and leaned over, giving her a hug.

"They are" she nodded. "What happened to Ben?" she added and looked from Derek to Alex.

"He won't bother you again" Derek said. "The police took him away. Now I assume you have no other dirty secrets in your closet?" he added with a smile.

"None I can think of" she laughed.

"Good, then I should…go over there and…talk to…Mark" Derek quickly moved towards the hospital, leaving the small trio alone.

"Wow that was subtle" Alex laughed but was soon cut off as Addison closed the small space between them and wrapped her free arm around him in a tight hug.

"Thank you Alex…" She whispered.

"I was never going to let you fall" he added before he placed a kiss on her fore head and then one just like it on Lily who started to giggle and then they moved towards the hospital together...

--

_You had your chance, you blew it. Out of sight, out of mind. Shut your mouth, I just can't take it_


	15. Epilogue

**15. ****Never let you go (epilogue)**

**A few months later…**

Alex apartment had been big when he bought it, the walls had been white and spotless, the floor had been covered only by a large hideous rug his aunt gave him years before and he liked it that way.

Now Alex's apartment (though it was more seen as Alex's, Addison's and Lily's these days) seemed smaller, mostly due to all the new furniture and things lying around. The hideous rug had been Addison's first mission to get rid of and the floor was now covered by toys and for the day also kinds, all in the same age group as Lily. To make things worse all kids were wearing paper hats and were all hyped up on sugar from the master three-layer cake Addison had spent all morning making…or well realizing she couldn't do it and running around town getting a store that could make it on such short notice.

"Faster horsie" Lily cheered happily and clapped Alex on the head. She was positioned on his back and he was on his knees and hands on the floor.

"Horsie is tired" Alex groaned and came to a stop by the living room. Lily climbed off and patted his head with a big smile.

"Horsie rest" and with that she ran in to the room and found her friends. The room was soon filled with laughter and a game where they ran around in circles was started.

"I am too old for this" Alex fell into the large couch and nestled his head up against his girlfriend's chest.

"If you're too old then what does that make me?" Addison asked, her voice sounding amused but just as tired as his.

Alex however turned around so he could look into her beautiful eyes and a slug smile spread over his face. "It makes you incredibly sexy" he tried and as expected a smile appeared on her face.

"Mommy" Lily called from her position in the middle of the room with a stuffed pink horse in her hands. "Look Lizzie gave me a pony."

"That's nice sweetie" Addison said and gave her daughter a smile before she let her head fall back against the pillow behind her. "Tell me again why we decided to let her have a party with 8 of her closest friends, most who we don't know the names of?"

"Because the kid only turns five once" Alex answered. "Plus if Lizzie gave her a pony maybe she will stop asking me for a real one" he added which made her laugh.

"How long until they go home?" Addison asked but instead of waiting for a response she turned her head and looked at the watch on the wall in the kitchen. "Oh thank God they should be here in an hour."

"Do you even realize how much damage they can do in an hour?" Alex groaned and leaned back down against her side and landed his head on her chest. "They could kill us and hide our bodies before the parents come."

"Oh so true" Addison laughed and moved her hand down to ruffle his hair.

"I still love it though" Alex turned to his side and let his hand land on the small bump that had just started to grow in the last month. "And we will have a whole bunch of elaborate birthday parties when little Travis is born."

"Oh what did we say about Travis" Addison slapped him lightly on the arm. "Plus it might be a girl you know" she added with a smile.

"But Lily was a girl, isn't there a law that the next one will be a boy?" Alex asked and moved his head down to her stomach.

"There is no such law" she laughed. "Don't they teach you anything at that hospital of yours?"

"Not as much as when I worked with you" he answered before he turned to her stomach. "Baby Travis…if you're a girl kick once and if you're a boy don't kick at all…"

"That is so unfair" Addison exclaimed. "She won't be able to kick for a very long time."

"Meanie" Alex used the same word Lily had taken the liking to. He moved up so his face was level to hers and placed a soft kiss on her lips. The moment was however ruined as a loud scream was heard from one of the kids.

"Now what?" Addison turned and looked at them, finding the view rather amusing. One of the kids, she thought his name was Lucas was standing in the middle of the room dressed from head to foot in cake and the little there was left of the cake was on the floor around the many giggling kids. "Never a calm second" she muttered.

"I'll take the kid if you take the cake on the floor" Alex suggested as they both got up from the couch.

"Deal."

--

"Yes sure everything went great" Addison smiled at the woman before she could finally close the door. She turned and leaned her back against the door, letting out a deep sigh. "…I thought they would never leave."

"Tell me about it" Alex said as he was busy untangling two balloons from the curtains. He was however better at tangling those in deeper then her was at getting them loose. As a final resort he tried to rip one away only to have it bounce against his head and then flew up again towards the ceiling.

"Want some help before you blow them up and break her heart?" Addison hurried up and untangled his hands from the strings. Then with quick hands she had the balloons free in a matter of seconds.

"How did you do that?"

"That was nothing" she laughed. "I once had to climb a tree to save that stuffed bear of hers…in the middle of winter."

"I am glad I missed that" he laughed.

"Oh I am sure we have not seen the last adventures of that bear" she took his hands and wrapped his arms around herself. "Did I ever say thank you…?" she didn't look at him but could clearly see his reaction in the glass window before her.

"Several times I believe" he replied with a cheeky smile which only served him a slap on the arm in response.

"I was trying to be serious here" she said. "I owe my life you…me and Lily both do."

"Haven't we been over this?" he tucked his arms tighter around her waist. "I love you, I was there to send his ass to jail and I will be here whenever you need me, either if it is to bring you ice cream in the middle of the night or simply rubbing your feet after a day at work…I will always be here…"

"You really mean that?" she turned around so she was facing him but without moving his arms from her.

"Yes."

"Then marry me" she looked up at him with a smile. A smile that soon appeared on his face as well when he realized she was serious…

--

_Never, never let you g__o. You are the one I'm searching for. Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone, Love's carving it in the stone_

_--_

**A/N;** So…very fluffy and nice and I hope it gave you the happy ending you wanted. And now here we are, after little over a month this story has come to an end. I know it's sad but it had to happen sometime. I will still be writing though so I hope to see you all around for any new project I start…

I wanted to give you all a special note here saying just how much I loved your reviews, they really kept me writing. So thank you : )


	16. Sequel!

Hi guys. Just thought I would let you all know that there now is a sequel up. It's called 'Just keep on breathing' so check it out if you want :)

/Em


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